ON STRIKE!

This is truly tragic. Pens and pencils have grown cold, longing for the warmth of their owners' grips. Computers are crying out for words that inspire and humor. OH-THE-HUMANITY!!!! Actors everywhere cry out, "Where are our words? We have no voice and nothing to espouse without other people telling us what to say!"

Umm...that about sums up how they end up liberals, eh?

Shows like Back to You, 'Til Death, and Rules of Engagement will have to stop filming immediately because, "the shows are typically written the same week they are filmed, with jokes being sharpened by writers even on the day of production" (Fox News).

I'd hate to see what those jokes are like in their "dull" state.

What are these poor writers to do? People, please! For the love of all that is decent and good in this world! Please find your local writer and give him or her a hug. Make the writer feel useful: Request a witty phrase for your upcoming date, meeting, or other important function. For without writers, we will simply have to come to our own conclusions about life. What? They don't sneak in political statements in the name of entertainment? Surely you jest!

You know what, though? I will miss Letterman's top ten lists. Hmmm...here's one that I'm not sure would make the air.

THE TOP TEN THINGS WRITERS CAN DO TO SURVIVE THE STRIKE

10. Forget the AA meetings, it is time to party!

9. Read books to school children. (Oh, I'm sorry, that would require contact with the common people.)

8. Go to the local store and stock up on macaroni and cheese, beer (generic beer), and ramen noodles. All the starving artists do it.

7. Trade in that Prius for a 10-speed. The 10-speed will climb hills faster, anyway.

6. Take pride in all the trees that are saved by not printing out bad jokes and lines and throwing them out...repeatedly.

5. Get a part time job writing fortune cookies.

4. Use the time to go on a road trip to see how the REAL WORLD lives.

3. Instead of walking the picket line, go serve homeless people lunch. Oh, wait. That dang common people thing again.

2. Switch from bottled water to tap.

And the #1 thing writers can do to survive the strike. . .
1. They could always go teach creative writing classes to the Democratic candidates' speech writers. Well, except for Kucinich. He's creative enough.