Headlines

1. Herb Society hosts tea party
Betchya it's "high" tea.

2. ACLU: Sex in Restroom Stalls Is Private...
So, ummm....they aren't PUBLIC restrooms?

3. Castro Says He's Too Unhealthy to Speak...
Next week he'll announce that he's been dead for about a year.

4. Rove lays out strategy on how to beat Clinton, Obama...
It's easy: watch them implode.

5. Scientists decode dogspeak
"Arff ( I ), rrrrrrruffff (really), arff arfff (need to), woof woof grrrrrrrr (lick my balls. Grrrrrrrruffff (HEY!) Arrrrrf woof grrrr (why's that guy), woof woof woof (staring at me)?"

6. Police ask suspect: aren't you dead?
Well, if you have to ask. . .

7. Neither Democrats nor Republicans best in bed: Playboy survey
Something tells me this wasn't one of those surveys given at the mall. What? Did they poll all the brothels in Nevada?

8. Father arrested for forcing son to wear Packers jersey
"As long as you're under my roof, you'll root for the Packers and you'll like it! Now, put on your cheesehead and memorize the names of all the players to ever wear the Packers jersey."

9. Cops: Ind. robber mistakenly shoots self in groin
Heh...oooops. Guess he won't be asked out on many dates while he's in jail.

10. Thousands of balls fill Rome's Spanish Steps
Do they have stupid criminals shooting themselves there, too?