Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Headlines!

1. VALLEY FEVER: INFECTION HITS CALIFORNIA PRISON HARD...
"Like, gag me with a shank! Like, I don't knooooow. Totally, bitchin', fer sure!"

2. 'Free drinks' after cruise ship hits glacier
Ocean water doesn't count as a free drink! Well, at least there was plenty of ice for those drinks.

3. Bin Laden warns Sunnis, threatens Israel
Yawn. Anybody else tired of this guy yet? He's turning himself into a cliche.

4. U.K. jails notorious illegal collector of eggs
Officials deny that they are are anti-Easter bunny.

5. Man, 85, clocked at 100 mph in snow, ice
That's what happens when you push down, really hard, on what you think is the brake. I hear he's on tap to race at Daytona in February.

6. Burglar demands ransom, forgets details
Writing it down would have helped.


7. Fertilizer used to speed natural gas production

The Democrats state that this is the best way they know how to personally give back to the environment.

8. Happiness may be good for your health
Umm...once again proving the Bible correct. :)

Proverbs 17:22: A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

9. Chicago woman, 114, registers to vote
I wonder what finally pushed her over the edge to vote? Wow.

10. Nicolas Cage takes a shot at 'Bangkok'
Given his past, I'd say he has taken many shots at Bangkok.

(Stop rolling your eyes! What do you want for free?)

7 comments:

Jeffro said...

Just think - the 114 year old woman has a long future of voting ahead of her, particularly if she votes "D."

USA_Admiral said...

Number 3; right on. They might be communicating with him from the grave.

Number 6 is like, Oh My God, so totally correct!!!

RT said...

Jeffro:
Then I guess she'll be voting early and often. :)

Admiral:
Like, how totally baked do you have to be to be to like totally be so like dumb?

DBA Dude said...

rt, Always good to hear some Frank Zappa - had not heard that one before.

RT said...

Glad you liked it. :)

Mrs Grim said...

#1 - sounds like one of my favorite movies, Valley Girl, with Nicolas Cage, coincidentally.

#2 - as if the free drink makes up for the glacier. Perhaps they showed 'Titanic' as the entertainment?

RT said...

Mrs G:
#1-The movie was inspired by the song, so I seem to remember.

#2-Double feature including The Poseidon Adventure.