Time for some headlines....

**There is a Zucker short at the end of this if you get too bored. It is about the Iraq study group.

Reality check: 95 percent of Americans had premarital sex
And their point? You all might have to write this one...I chickened out.

Blow-up: Frosty slashed by thugs
Snowman found in a puddle of, well, water.

Cheney to be defense witness in CIA case:
"I elect to invoke my 5th amendment rights on the grounds that if I talk, I'll get really pissed and kick your asses."

Visitors kept away from Hawaii volcano
Sacrifices will resume in the near future.

Researchers optimistic on valley fever
"Like, dude! Like, gag me with a spoon! Like I have this hot feeling on my brain and like I feel all icky in my tummy. Like, please get some of those chewable asprin thingies so I can like not have this pain."

A glow in the darkness is the best gift of all
Vladimir Putin was only trying to give a Christmas gift to a former comrade...not kill him. Think of it as a special type of Christmas light display.

Thieves break into police station
'Tis the season. They're just trying to give back to the community.

Bill seeks to ban trans fats from Massachusetts
Kennedy must seek a new home state.

Investigators probe sewage plant plane crash carrying Japanese tourists
That's a sh*tty way to die.

Recipe for Genius Revealed
Dial 1-800-RT-Rules!!!!

Why Do Men Have Deeper Voices than Women?
Because they are men. Well, and because they like to grunt and stuff and if a guy had a Clay Aiken-girl voice...well...it just wouldn't be the same...or sexy.

AND THIS IS THE BEST HEADLINE OF ALL....BECAUSE I DIDN'T WRITE IT!!!

ZUCKER TAKES ON THE IRAQ STUDY GROUP AND JAMES BAKER