Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Little Miss Muffet Sat on Her Butt!

Here are some nursery rhymes twisted in ways that will make you giggle and snort! (Got them from an email from a friend.)

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.

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Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.

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Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

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Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumb ass"

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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.

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Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.

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Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

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There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

7 comments:

DBA Dude said...

Always good to start the day with a grin.

Mrs Grim said...

HA! Very Funny, I laughed out loud at the Mary ones.

Wyatt Earp said...

I love the Simple Simon one. Heh, snarky.

USA_Admiral said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
USA_Admiral said...

Excuse the first try, I would have received a grade of "F" for spelling and been flunked off your blog.

The Georgie Porgie one sounds like one Andrew Dice Clay would have used back in his prime.

RT said...

"Hickory Dickery Dock!"

Oh!

RT said...

DBA:
I agree!

Mrs. G:
They made me giggle in a snarky manner.

Wyatt:
Anything with dumbass is sure to produce a laugh. That's why I loved That '70s Show.

Admiral:
I don't grade outside of school. :)