Wednesday, December 05, 2007

HEADLINES!!!!

1. Italian cell phone users offered dial-a-saint service The Irish are said to be very jealous over this and are trying to find a way to do a text message rosary.

2. Mascot Re-Named After 'PorkChop' Called Offensive
I think my head is about to explode! I find eggplant and yellow squash offensive. Just putting that out there.

3. Jews urged to light one less candle for Hanukkah to help environment...
IT'S A CANDLE!!!!!!! WTF?!

4. McCain's Senior Moment: 'I'm Older Than Frankenstein'...
A. Frankenstein is the creator of the monster.
B. The monster wasn't "old," it was created from parts of people, because it was an attempt to reanimate life.
C. McCain needs to work on his literature skills.
D. However, maybe he meant that this is his problem.

5. Court rules employee worked to death
I think maybe my job should come with a black-box warning. How about your job?

6. Tweety, Donald Duck summoned to court
Sufferin' succotash!

7. Man accused of swiping blow-up dolls
Was he trying to create a harem?

8. 42-foot-tall inflatable snowman stolen
Ok, this fetish is just getting sick. First, blow-up dolls; now, 42-foot-tall inflatable snowmen? Maybe the guy needed a wingman?

9. Holy smoke! Police find cannabis in nunnery
Heh. "No, father. It's incense."
I always wondered why nuns looked so chill and happy. (Well, I usually only saw them at baseball games.)

10. NBCNEWS ANCHOR BRIAN WILLIAMS PICKS 'MOTHER EARTH' FOR TIME 'PERSON OF YEAR'...
Next year, I hear it is a toss-up between Superman and the Easter Bunny.

7 comments:

USA_Admiral said...

I find vegetables in general offensive.

McCainiac- very good clip. That explains him completely. I cannot believe I ever voted for this rhino back in the days of folly and stupidity. Thought he was OK. Now he is harder get rid of than herpes.

I would not be caught dead near a blow up doll. And the deviant was serial stealing them?

The Nuns that indoctrinated me were on caffeine. I mean lots of caffeine. I still have bruises on my knuckles and I shudder when they walk by. (Beaten Dog syndrome.)

We need to bleach out the news anchor gene pool a little bit.

RT said...

I love vegetables, just not mushy ones. Well, except for mashed potatoes.

Never liked him. And, I have no way of knowing what it is like to get rid of herpes (thank God), so umm...thanks for sharing. ;P''''''

Mrs Grim said...

I don't get # 3 either. Maybe they should start making soy candles for the menorrahs.

Number 9 - I went to Catholic school for 12 years. Our nuns were definitely not smoking pot - they were not mellow at all. Nor did they get the munchies, as we used to call it.

RT said...

The whole candle thing is just wacky!

My grandmom (that I lived with) had the disposition of a nun; trust me.
The nuns I always saw had the happy look on their faces; however, my neighbors who were Catholic, told me stories...lots of stories.

DBA Dude said...

Nuns on weed, what's next Pope and Cardinals found in crack house?

Skul said...

"3. Jews urged to light one less candle for Hanukkah to help environment..."

I have it from a reliable source that Rabbis are telling folks to just light two candles half way. Problem solved.

Number 7? Hey, he was only three short of 72, go figure.

Number 10. Does any normal person really give a rats behind who or what Time mag. picks?

RT said...

DBA & Skul:

HA! :)