HEADLINES!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. Big splash cannot dampen greatest day for "Wet Woody"
Ummm....a wet woody is a bad thing?

2. Ahmadinejad Cements Ties With Venezuela's Chavez, Declares 'No One Can Defeat Us'... Then the two men went back to their padded cells and hit their heads against the wall for a while.

3. NOONAN: Americans should not fear talking--and listening--to those whose views we loathe...
However, that only applies to conservatives. Liberals don't have to do it. (snaaaaaaaark)

4. Worm poop a success
See, Washington can make its own fuel.

5. China bans "sexual sounds" on airwaves
Ohhhhhhhhh!

6. Older brothers fuel aggression in siblings, study finds
Uh, Wyatt? (Well, I have read Randall's comments.)

7. King Tut Exhibit Leaves Philadelphia
Ok. Tell me every time you hear the words "King Tut" that your mind doesn't not go back to childhood at the skating rink on a Saturday afternoon? Huh? Yes, doing the hand movements, too.

8. NYC Food Vendors Compete for Prize
Wait. Salmonella is a prize?

9. Life's short -- have an affair, sign urges
Hmm...

10. 19,000 insurgents killed in Iraq since '03
Now, that is good news.