Enter Buzz Kill

See...I knew it was too good to be true. I didn't have any drama and became all full of Christmas chill. Then my dad calls. To be fair, he is slow...not a joke, he is slow. He lost oxygen when he was born and he never matured past 18. Now...as he gets older...he is more like a little kid and I'm his mommy, at least it feels that way. He is pseudo caring for my bed-ridden grandmom. I noticed some changes in her ability to talk the other day and he became angry, "I'm not a doctor.. blah, blah, blah..." I told him to tell the visiting doctors. Anyway...the nurse they have is not the best and she has been calling out (a replacement comes). My dad complains that it's like picking up after a little kid (trust me, he doesn't even come close to knowing what that means...he sent his $15 a week and complained). Whatever...my point...he can't care for her, he becomes overwhelmed. My grandmother and father have banished the rest of the family (my banishment for speaking up about my grandmother's care lasted a month...just when I was ready to experience some freedom they sucked me back in). Ok...you're getting the point: My dad is ineffective and afraid of his mother. He's afraid she'll kick him out of the house if he asserts himself with regard to her care. So I told him that he might have to make decisions grandmom doesn't like. Then he totally turned things on me and said, "Well, what is your mother doing? You're supporting her and blah effin blah!" P.S. My grandmother practically supports my dad...oh what a fraked up family. I've actually had a girl I confide in at work ask how I am so normal (I sleep and avoid lengthy conversations with my mom and dad.).

I don't know why I'm telling you all this. My grandmom needs to be getting better care. My dad needs to not have situations he cannot deal with because of his cognitive problems thrust upon him.

I need to have other things to think about. I offered my experience and knowledge after observing what my mom and aunts went through with my other grandmother. I was told that I didn't know anything. That's what my dad's mom thinks of me. I'm the almost bastard child and will always be as such. (Lucky my parents got married two months before I was born, eh?) Great ....now I'm thinking about my lovely childhood. I'm gonna stop now. But I am just so tired of everyone's crap. I want my mom to get a friggin' job, so I can have my own life. I want my dad to grow some balls and use them. I want my grandmom to stop controlling my dad's mind. (Gwd...I just tried to use my space bar like the mouse pad on my laptop=-=I want that back, too damnit!) I want my grandmom to realize she belongs in a long-term care facility. I'd check them out, first. I wouldn't let her go into a nasty place. She keeps telling me she wants to die, but God is taking an awfully long time to do it. Thursday, she wasn't able to say more than a few words to me. I'm sorry everyone. I need to vent and I really have no one to vent to, except my mom, but she's the ex-wife/ex-daughter-in-law told nasty things to when she tried to help make sure they were fed over the past winter when my grandmom came home from the hospital.

Anyone got a cabin somewhere that I can runaway to? When do I get my own life. Damn. Again, I'm sorry. I'll go back to the inane RT. :) Seriously...I could use a place to hide for like ever.