THE BENEFITS OF BACON®

The Benefits of Bacon®

The benefits of bacon are numerous. For men, ingesting protein-rich bacon® provides virility and the ability to think clearly. Therefore, for the benefit of your mongress and the benefit of your fellow warriors, (who depend on you to bring all you have to battle) eat your bacon®...daily.

Women, you must eat your bacon®, too. It will provide you with the fat needed for warmth while the monger in your life is at battle and you are alone. It also provides the means by which you can be identified as a supporting member of the Monger Horde™, since the women lack the bacon® tattoo the mongers display.

Overall, all mongers and mongresses must be mindful to eat their daily servings of bacon®. Why? Do you want to be like the plant eating, vulgar vegans and their supporters...the likes of Cindy Sheehan, Ted Kennedy, and John Kerry? Do you want to end up like them? First they want the troops out of Iraq and then to spite the home of the Horde, they might reinstate the draft? Obviously, not eating bacon causes the brain to confuse and contradict beliefs. One might even argue that the lack of bacon causes one to state one belief, never really hold that belief, and then claim another belief. Other signs of bacon® deprivation: Naming a dog Splash after an accident causes the drowning of a companion, marrying a ketchup heir, and having media-affairs with the leaders of Socialist and rogue states.

For your consumption, a short list of mongerlicious© ideas on how to eat/serve bacon:
BLT
Bacon, cheese, and chicken sandwich
Bacon wrapped shrimp
Bacon wrapped filet mignon
Bacon, eggs, and home fries
Bacon infused chowder soups

Thank goodness the battle cry of the Monger Horde™ is not beans.