Often, I hear my female co-workers complain about men. I don't get it (yeah, that either). I've spent most of my free time with men, usually just friends, and I've never had reason to complain. I mean, what do these women expect? Men are human beings who express themselves differently, would prefer to not have huge, long conversations, and just kind of want to enjoy their free time, whether it be with their "woman" or with their friends, together or apart. I've also never understood the need for women to control "their" men. Granted, they might get lost in the mall or something, but why all the control issues? I don't think these women (for the most part) realize how lucky they are to have someone willing to put up with their stuff. Women (for the most part) think that they are putting up with the stuff of men, which is true, but it goes both ways. Face it ladies, some of us are high maintenance. I try not to be, but I'm not perfect.That all being said, the lack of a man in my life has been weighing on me. I'm kind of tired of people saying that maybe there is no one for me or that being alone is good. It isn't and it sucks moose balls. (Not that I've ever gone bobbing for moose balls to know that, but I imagine that is about the worst kind of ball one could suck.) I think we need each other to balance each other out a bit. You know, when you get a little too caught up in the craziness of all that is life, you need someone to remind you that taking a deep breath, not worrying so much, and just enjoying the moment can be good enough. (No, a friend does not suffice in this case...as there needs to be sex. Well, what better way to blow off steam and enjoy the moment. Come on, people.)
So, of course thinking about all of this stuff has made me think of what I like the most about guys:
Kindness: The good guys really do open the door for you.What? You thought I was going to get all dirty and talk about what I like to do to men? See, I'm really the quiet one with the dirty mind that you have to watch out for...heh.
Sense of protection: I've always found that guys want to show that you matter. If someone means you harm or if it looks like you could harm yourself doing something they could easily do, they are there to help. That physical strength and the mere presence of it are there for a reason, and I like it! (Especially the strength behind really good hugs.)
Problem solvers: For the most part, guys really are good at looking at a situation and "solving" it. By my nature, I am an analyzer. I pick things apart into so many pieces that when I try to understand an issue or a problem I end up looking at a huge puzzle. The guys I've known are a little more focused when it comes to problem solving and I've always appreciated it.
They like to play: I have been surrounded by uptight people my whole life. It has rubbed off a little, but I like to think that my friendships with men and romantic relationships with guys have helped to ease it a bit. Because of the guys I've been around I have devolped an appreciation for humor, sports, music, and the art of just sitting back and watching a movie. One of my friends, as he approached 30 a while back once said, "All I want is to come home from work, eat dinner, watch a movie, and have some good sex." Yep. Sounds good. (Don't think he was referring to me in any way.)
Guys like sex: Yeah, that needs no explanation.
18 comments:
Hey lassie, you write really well (and you have us men nailed) - maybe you should do more writing for yourself and see what happens.
I do not mean putting it up here but sharing it with someone's judgement you can trust (EG Scully).
Oh no, there I go again - offering quick fix solutions for someone else's woes - too much Hoegaarden must stop now :)
DBA:
Nailed? Not really. There are some that just confuse the hell out of me.
Thanks for the compliment. Not sure my writing warrants a price tag, though.
Keep drinking. :) It keeps the happy factor high.
How men and women are different (from someone with three big brothers who spent 20 years locked in a cockpit with nothing but men).
RELATIONSHIPS:
When a relationship is over a woman will cry and pour her heart to anyone who will listen and then post a blog called "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life, usually alone for a while.
Men will say they hate women, and all women are evil while they spend every spare moment trying to get another woman.
SEX: Most women like foreplay. AT least 30 minutes of it. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay and that time should count.
HANDWRITING: Women take great pride in their handwriting, often writing their notes on coloured, scented paper. They like to add small drawings and smiley faces. Men write like they have 5 minutes to write the prescription or the patient dies. Notes from men are short and to the point. Women's can be to, but one of my brothers said he once got a short note dumping him with a smiley face on it.
BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Irish Spring soap, and a towel from the Gym. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 327. Most men would not know what most of those products are for. Men do not WANT to know what these products are for.
GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies.
SHOES: Self Explanatory.
LEG WARMERS:Leg warmers are sexy. I can wear leg warmers walking the dog or washing the dishes if I want. A man can only wear leg warmers if he's auditioning for "Cats".
DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for: his wedding, his funeral.
DAVID LETTERMAN: Men think David Letterman is the funniest man on the face of the Earth. Women think he is a geek with a bad haircut.
LAUNDRY: Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including that gay Philly Flyers jersey before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes somewhere to be cleaned.
MIRRORS: Men are vain; they will check themselves out in a mirror. Women will check out their reflections in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, Bruce Willis's head.
THE TELEPHONE: Men see the telephone as a means to make brief communications. A woman can visit her bestfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same girl and they will talk for three hours.
DIRECTIONS:If a woman is out driving, and she finds herself lost she immediately stops to ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men wil never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, "Looks like I've found a new way to get there."
ADMITTING MISTAKES: Women don't like to admit they made a mistake. Men even more so, because if he does the woman will remind him of it for the next 38 years.
TOYS:Little girls love to play with toys. Then they lose interest. Men's toy's however continue, they just get more expensive. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TV's. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 "D" batteries to operate.
PLANTS:A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man waters the plants, religiously, because he loves the woman, not the plants. The woman comes home five or six days later to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.
COCKPITS
In the cockpit room men talk about three things: money, sports, and women. They exaggerate about money, they know sports pretty darn well, and they fabricate stories about women. I've only flown with one woman and we talked about. . money, sports, and men. We definately exaggerated about money, we knew almost nothing about sports, and the stories about men were boring but true.
JEWELRY:Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing a wedding ring and a sports or lodge ring, and maybe a gold chain or wrist band. Any more than that an d he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.
SPORT ARENAS: Simply put, men can always find their way around stadiums and arenas. In the dark. Women must follow the men or they will be hopelessly lost.
TIME:When a woman says she'll be ready to leave the house in in five minutes is using the same measure of time as football "five more minutes". Time outs, commercials and playbacks are not factored in. Give it at least 25 minutes. counting time outs, commercials, or replays.
CONVERSATION: Men need a good disagreement to get talking, e.g., "Wow, great movie.", "What are you, nuts? No REAL cop would have an Uzi that size.", "Well, maybe he got it because he knew about those Mafia guys", etc. Women, not having this problem, try to initiate conversations with men by saying something agreeable: "That garden by the roadside looks lovely." "Mm hmm." Pause. "That was good chicken last night, wasn't it?" "Yeah." Pause. And so on.
FRIENDS: Women on a girls' night out talk about anything and everything, relishing the time with their friends. Men on a boys' night out say about twenty words all night, most of which are "Pass the Doritos" or "We outta beer?"
RESTROOMS:Men use restrooms for purely physical reasons. Women use restrooms for everything from corporate mergers to complete makeovers.
LOVE: Men and women are different, thank God. I love my girlfriends but when I want to snuggle up, please give me a burly, hockey watching man of few words, strong arms and a huge heart. I'll even do his laundry for him. The world would be a pitiful place without my men friends in it.
RT - Actually, we really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really love sex!
Scully - Heh, heh, you said "cockpit."
Scully:
RELATIONSHIPS:
Agreed. In fact, we cry over any man that walks into our hearts and stomps all over them. Well, I do...for a good long time. That's why I swore off men for a good five years. I'd never say, "All men are idiots," though. However, they sure have a way of making me feel like one.
SEX:
See, it depends on the mood. There are times I'd just like lay a guy out but good. There are also times where I'd like to do all the work. Then there are times I need the benefit of someone else's work. But being that I don't get any, why bother thinking about it?
HANDWRITING:
Weird. All the guys I've known have written long notes, some pages of letters or some have written rather long emails. To be fair, though, most of them have been artistic in some way and maybe that might have something to do with it. I received letters that have smelled like my favorite colonge, too. :) Heh...smiley face.
BATHROOMS:
327? I've simplified a bit. I have some make up, lots of hair stuff, and a couple of types of shampoo, oh--and two different types of soap--face and body. I don't think the guys want or need to know what all the other stuff is.
GROCERIES:
I make lists, but sometimes I forget to put things on the list. So, then I go down each aisle to see if I forgot anything and then slowly turn my cart into the Clampett's car. Yee haa!
SHOES:
I have sneakers and two pairs of dress shoes. I used to have really high heels and all the pretty things. I lost the use of my legs and have to work my way back up to heels again. Good news is, I can now wear a wedge heel. YAY!
DRESSING UP:
Well, we dress up in the hopes of SEX!
A man doesn't have to dress up, as we aren't as picky as those creatures.
DAVID LETTERMAN:
See, I love David Letterman and I never watch Leno. I love Craig Ferguson, too.
LAUNDRY:
I don't have a washer and dryer. I own lots of clothing. It gets washed, but sometimes it is just easier to go buy a new outfit.
MIRRORS:
I avoid mirrors. They make me cry.
THE TELEPHONE:
I'm not much for long telephone conversations. I get too distracted by the computer and the television. When my best friend calls or vice-versa, I have to turn off everything to keep a 1/2 hour conversation. Now, if I happen to be making a really long 15-hour road trip I thought would take 12 and I reach the 12 hour mark and start to flake because I've got about three hours to go...then expect a really long and goofy phone call.
DIRECTIONS:
I just google it and then drive.
ADMITTING MISTAKES:
I'm too imperfect to play "I told you so." I'm more like, "Well, how we gonna fix it?"
TOYS:
Oh, you didn't mean sex toys??
PLANTS:
I've never had anyone tend to my plants. (That just sounded so bad.)
COCKPITS:
I'll take your word for it. :) I agree, though, we need to make our stories about men much more interesting.
JEWELRY:
I prefer tattoos on men.
SPORT ARENAS:
See...I learned the arenas at a young age. I just hate all the ramps. (Better than stairs, though.)
TIME:
I'm one of those annoying women that breaks that rule. I'm ready when I say I'll be ready. It might take me two hours, but you'll know in two hours I'll be good to go.
CONVERSATION:
I heard Wyatt has an Uzi that size. HA! Damn...it was there and I said it! I'm guilty of the agreeing thing. Sometimes.
FRIENDS:
True.
RESTROOMS:
At any social event or venue...go into the ladies room a few hours after the festivities have begun and you'll see girls/women crying over some guy.
LOVE:
THAT'S WHY I LOVE MEN!!!!!!!!
WYATT:
Are you sure? Really?
RT, go wash your mouth out! Preferrably with soap, and not . . .
Heh.
My mouth is quite clean, thank you.
;P'''''''''''''
I can't believe that someone would tell you that there is no one out there for you. I hope that wasn't someone you considered a friend. You sound like someone I would enjoy hanging out with.
I was a single mom for about 14 years due to divorce. My current husband is someone who worked at my company for close to 20 years, and we occasionally worked together. We hung out with mutual friends for a few years. At one point I joked with him that if neither of us were married in a year, we should marry each other.
I ended up making the first move 4 and a half years ago, which he still thanks me for. He says he was too dense to pick up the signs. It turns out he was interested in me too. But I knew he was truly the one when he picked me up at the house on our first date, and didn't care that my 4 (yes, 4) kids would be there.
My point is, the person for you could be right under your nose. My husband and I were already good friends when we started dating. After three weeks, he said it was a good thing we weren't in Vegas, cause we would have to get married. So you just never know.
Be yourself, be sincere and all good things will come to you. Thanks for sharing.
Mrs. Grim is right . . . Grimjack is dense.
Mrs. Grim:
Thank you.
Wyatt:
You are lucky to have friends. ;P
Had to pop in, because Wyatt suggested it, very interesting comments. I agree with you in that, I love men, do not totally understand everything, but you have to have a little mystery..
I wish more women would come out and say, "I love sex."
Bird who is -
happily married, and happily horizontal most of the time!
RT, get out of New Jersey!
With an attitude like yours, you should have your choice of fellas. Fly over country out here is full of good ones.
Scully - Heh, heh, you said "cockpit."
Can't say that anymore. Now it's a flight deck. Unless there's a female in both left and right seats. Then it's a box office.
Loved skywriter's comment. I was laughing my butt off cause it's so true.
Skul
Sex
Men: Are NOT subtle! They rest their arm on your hair, pulling it and they don't even notice (you women with long hair know what I'm talking about). They think foreplay has something to do with golf. And when men read that last sentence they will think of the words "hole in one" in a sexual way...you did, didn't you guys? The words club and nine iron will also come to mind. That's because they associate everything with sports.
Women: We just want to get close to them and maybe have the occasional orgasm as a bonus.
House Cleaning
Men: To most men, house cleaning is women stuff! They'd equate it to strapping on some ballet shoes and doing a number from the Nutcracker. Besides, women enjoy that kind of stuff!
Women:
We know it needs to be done.
Man, I could go on and on with this stuff.
British Bird:
We can never completely understand ANYONE. We don't live in their heads and haven't lived their lives (previously to knowing us, of course).
Just horizontal? Heh.
BWH:
I've have been trying to get out of NJ my entire life! It has never felt like home and I have never met any nice guys (originally) from NJ. (I'll pay for that one, but for me, it is very true.)
No one bothers to get to know me enough to know my attitudes about that kind of stuff. I'm not sure I've ever verbalized before, either.
Skul:
Be nice to the ladies. (SERIOUSLY!) One was kind enough to marry you, you know. I've had pilots of both sexes in my limited flying experiences. Well-trained and able is well-trained and able.
:)
Dragon Lady:
If it sounds sexual. I've thought it.
Why get all grrr about what men don't do and love what they do well. :) (Well, most of them.)
Hee Hee,
ParadiseDriver has a really funny post today titled
FALL CLASSES FOR MEN AT...
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER
Almost reads as a response to some of the comments made here.
I liked the identity loss one. They were good. :)
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