Now, this would be an answer to prayer!
2. SEX MARATHON: Russians get day off to procreate, then win prizes...
Another contest I wouldn't win.
A Russian region of Ulyanovsk has found a novel way to fight the nation's birth-rate crisis: It has declared Sept. 12 the Day of Conception and for the third year running is giving couples time off from work to procreate. The hope is for a brood of babies exactly nine months later on Russia's national day. Couples who "give birth to a patriot" during the June 12 festivities win money, cars, refrigerators and other prizes.(H/T: Denver Post)
This is after I read this a couple of weeks ago: "Sex for the motherland: Russiam youths encouraged to procreate at camp..." Yeah, Putin isn't a threat. Damn.
3. Lightning strikes man twice
Rumor has it that he has an electrifying personality.
4. Tardy Edwards keeps Iowa supporters waiting in heat; hour-and-20-minute delay...
Any girl knows what a pain it is to blow dry and style her hair in the hot, humid weather. It just takes longer.
5. Cops: Boss killed two who kept asking for raises...
Guess he won't have to worry about making payroll, now.
6. Viking ship lands in Ireland after nearly 1,000 yrs
Beowulf said to be pissed about his men's lack of direction.
7. U.N. okays 26,000 peacekeepers for Darfur.
Wouldn't it be cheaper to send cardboard cutouts?
8. Burglars use "Mission Impossible" moves
Soundtrack inlcuded?
9. Missing 75-year-old says prostitute held him hostage
Apparently when he consented to s-n-m, he thought she offered him m&m's. He's since learned to turn up his hearing aid.
10. Pelosi following Hillary's lead? Cleavage on the House floor?
Ow, my eyes!
Kennedy: "Madam, I move to motorboat! (hiccup) I mean, would you like a ride on my motorboat?"
11. Dog shoots owner in the back in Tennessee
The pooch just couldn't take one more day of Milk Bones when all he wanted were some Snausages!
12. AMTRAK offers free booze
Just thought I'd share this as a public service announcement.
13. Sean Penn praised by Venezuela's Chavez
Mr. Pennnnnnn, you dick!
14. Murtha nabs $150 million pork
Typical. A politician spends millions on a ham.
15. Gingrich says energy war on terror "phony": Former speaker says energy independence is key
Someone please put him back in the home. PLEASE!
16. Foot and mouth disease detected in UK
In related news, foot in mouth disease is at epidemic proportions in D.C.
7 comments:
seems appropriate that you posted this news on hump-day
HA!
NEWS YOU CAN BE HAPPY ABOUT:
* No TV series planned starring Pillsbury Doughboy
* Pouring hot oil on enemy combatants from high atop castle walls outlawed by Geneva Convention
* Barney show no longer inserted between features on U.S. to Asia flights
* Scurvy eliminated in most North American fishing fleets
* Proposed leisure suit revival killed because of high oil prices
* Treaty of Oregon setting U.S.-Canada boundary still preventing bloodshed after 160 years
* Metric system and Esperanto never caught on in U.S.
* Last insurance claims from Krakatoa eruption finally settled
* Despite decades of wobbling, Weebles still do not fall down
* "Dark Side of the Moon" now distributed to all world people groups, including prehistoric tribes in Asia
* Constitutional ammendment to add Millard Fillmore to Mount Rushmore failed
* Lakehurst, N.Y., relatively free of fatal blimp accidents since 1936
* William Shatner finally has decent hairpiece
* Slow tectonic forces still centuries away from ripping Florida from U.S. mainland
* Cancerous test mice denied legal standing by lower courts
* General Francisco Franco still dead
* Banana Splits reunion postponed indefinitely
* Loss of U.S. control of Panama Canal has not prevented timely shipments of Bass Ale to East Coast
* New series "Star Trek: Shore Leave Tiki Lounge" killed at pilot stage
heh.
TARDy Edwards...
It fits.
jimmyb
Scully:
But I want a reunion of the Banana Splits. I wuved them!
Jimmyb:
Is there something wrong with the comments thing again? (Just asking.)
Edwards is the TARDiest of all!
LOVE #7! hahaha
Free booze on amtrak?!!? I'm there!
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