A matter of faith

The media is making much of Mother Teresa's perceived lack of faith. They quote her questioning her faith in letters:

"Where is my faith? Even deep down there is nothing but emptiness and darkness. If there be a God--please forgive me."

Her struggles led her to fear that she would be a hypocrite. I have heard stories of missionaries and ministers who dedicate themselves to work hard and do as they feel called, only to never experience the "fruit" or results that they had hoped for as an idealistic servant of God. But, I have also heard stories of the seeds sown by them becoming the fruit of long-held faith once those missionaries had passed or retired. It happens. Sometimes we never see the fruit of our labor.

Throughout the past three years I've been in a tug of war of sorts within the faith I have in God. I deeply believe that He is real and that He guides my steps. I've prayed for months for a friend and I am seeing those prayers answered in what appears to be the positive for him. However, my mom continues to be out of work for almost three years, I still have things that I pray for myself that seem to not get answered. But...I know I have to continue to believe. I've seen too much and have had prayers that were unlikely to be answered, answered. We have to look at the everyday and minute things as well as the big things.

I think people are focusing on the wrong thing with what Mother Teresa's letters revealed. She was a human being. While wise and devoted to her calling, she had times of weariness. She saw much despair and had to be impacted by it. She did what we all do; we question. If we didn't question, then we wouldn't need God. We'd have no need for faith. That's what I think her letters reveal.

I struggle all the time. Sometimes I think God has me in this never ending holding pattern. I get really frustrated, as y'all saw this week. However, I know what I pray for and how I see God putting things in my life, heart, and prayers to keep me going. That's why I share my answered prayers with you all. He's real. His timing is not our timing (grrrr), but it is so His will is done, not ours. It is so He can receive the glory and honor...not us. I look forward to sharing many more answered prayers.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1