UBER'S TRIP TO NYC!

1. Vincent Antonelli: Compare and contrast the smell of the subways in NYC with the smell of...well...anything.
The only thing one can rationally compare and contrast to the smell of a NYC subway is, well, another NYC subway!

You haven't experienced a bad smell until you've entered a subway station just off of China Town, right beside a fish market, just after they've sprayed everything down (which just stirs up hellish smells). The smell of fish that sat in the sun all day + 120 degree subway station = The Uber saying "Hell no, I gotta get out of here. It's not like he's even all that famous!" upon walking right into a pre-production scene of The Frog King starring Joseph Gordon Levitt and being begged by the liberal to stay and watch awhile. I'm pretty sure Mr. Levitt heard me, too. Oopsie. Whaddyado? It stunk, and the subway did too. (RT to Uber: I have been to that exact station and have smelled that smell. Blek!)

2. Ssssteve: Would you trade the hills of NC for the buildings of NYC? Interesting question! Back in the horse and buggy day (OK, more like hair and heavy metal), I dreamed of a career in Graphic Design, an apartment in NYC, and planned to totally PWN! Madison Avenue, but minds change rather quickly when we have children. So, it was interesting to see what I missed and I must say that while NYC is an awesome city to visit (though all good things are tempered with roaches), absolutely not!

3. Did you see the nekkid cowboy? I looked everywhere for that elusive nekkid cowboy! I very much wanted to have a discussion with him about the danger of false advertising because he's not really nekkid at all. He should call himself "The Undie Cowboy" instead! I'm sure he heard through the grape vine that I would be arriving to discuss this issue and hid out, big chicken, because I never did actually find him.

4. What did you find the most visually stimulating? That's easy (especially considering I never located that "almost nekkid" cowboy). St. Patrick's Cathedral. Bee-u-tee-ful!

5. Did you go to the Hershey's store? I did not. I'm more the spicy than sweet type. I did, however, have a fascinating conversation Filipino woman on a train who said that was the first place she visited when arriving stateside. She purchased tons of the stuff but had no idea that it melted so easily so left it all in her car in the hot sun for many hours while shopping afterward. She informs that it still tastes "vetty vetty good" even after it loses all semblance of shape, though. Ha!

6. Did you see a show? Do sidewalk performers count? How about odd subway dwellers and/or cross-dressers? No? OK, how about people I actually know performing "Grease" at an amphitheater in WV before ever beginning the trip to NYC?

7. What impressed you? What impressed me most was just how courteous and friendly New Yorkers really are outside the heavy tourist areas (you know, when not sandwiched between large groups of people in plaid shorts staring up with their mouths open and blocking their paths on the way to work).

8. What gave you the heebie jeebies? Other than roaches taking over the entire city once darkness fell and rats jumping from the pier to retrieve trash by light of the moon, I'd have to say walking those three blocks from the subway station back to the apartment in the Bronx, well after midnight. I suggested the liberal try to get a little sun before the next trip because his glowing attracted way too much attention there! Of course he said my using a long "I" where none belongs in addition to the word "reckon" every two seconds wasn't doing much to ensure our safety either. (Don't worry Uber, I use the long "I" where it doesn't belong, too. It is the Canadian influence on me (or I've watched too many hockey interviews.)

9. What was your favorite part of the trip? The laughing and mocking everyone and everything, including one another and ourselves, on the elevator ride up to our host's apartment each night/morning after a long day of holding it all in, just to discover on the very last night that a hidden video camera in that elevator (behind a corner mirror) had been recording every single moment. The liberal was looking pretty rough after having walked 50 miles all over NYC in the sun, and so he decided to mess his hair a good bit more, put his face up to that "mirror," imitate my accent and say, "I aint got no place to sleep." No idea why that was so darn funny, maybe because the camera was installed in order to better keep the "bums" out of the building, but it still brings tears.

10. What "NYC" food did you eat? I ate at various Chinese establishments from China Town to the Bronx, pizza and cheesecake in Little Italy, bagels all over NYC, a burger containing more than a half pound of cow just to irritate a vegan liberal friend of the liberal (go figure, huh?), and even had a philly steak and cheese at The Trailer Park. Yes, I had to go on a diet two whole days before I left! (Uber, it is called a CHEESESTEAK!!!!)

11. English teacher-like question: Describe NYC with five adjectives. Why did you pick those adjectives? Romantic- Because there are all sorts of experiences I imagine would have been incredibly romantic were I not touring with a gay liberal who has the uncanny ability of causing me to laugh like a hyena while walking a pier by moonlight despite soft Italian tunes on the breeze because funny things constantly happen to him (and yeah, it's way funnier because he's a liberal and life tortures him). Example- He survived the streets of NYC, subway stations, trains, 2 am walks through the Bronx, and my getting through a heavy security zone with a boot knife strapped to my thigh just to have a butterfly fly right into his eye (hard enough to cause temporary blindness) at a park while viewing the John Lennon memorial (where he MADE me go listen to hippies sing about peace) just before we left. Haha! I just can't get enough of this stuff. Extreme- Everything from the heat, to the cold, to prices to meal and desert portions are extreme in NYC. Nothing seems to be made to enjoy or detest in moderation and that is both good and not so good at the same time, depending. Many temptations, baby! Isolated- Not only do many seem to be isolated in their own little individual worlds, but it is very easy to be sucked in and forget that a whole other world exists outside the city. A world in which citizens actually assimilate and eventually become Americans! Frivolous- You can find just anything you are able to dream up in NYC (much like the internet) except a bottle of water and a rest room when you most need them. Basic needs, people! Blunt- Everyone in NYC seems to be very blunt. They don't even say "bless his/her heart" to cushion insults! The horror...