Change: A mountain of a verb

A birthday, a death, and a new year. All three on their own can cause someone to ponder about life and changes that need to be made for a better quality of life. All three within weeks, well that can spark quite a self-revolution. As I inch closer to 40, try to pick an approach to the new year, and deal with the "how am I living or not living my life" questions that come with the death of an important person in my life, I've been thinking about change.

While I'm up for fun and excitement, I don't do well with change. I seem to do best when I allow myself to wallow in my vice (only have one left) and accept hard luck as my lot. The past month has taught me something, though. I have a bit more power over "woe is me" than I thought. For years, I thought that I was not capable of some things or even worthy. Through some thought and the kind words of others, I have found that is simply not the case. I'm better than killing myself with food. If my body can't tolerate it, why am I eating it? If I have to eat like a freakin' rabbit, then so be it. I'd rather be healthy and active and enjoying everyday rather than experiencing physical pain, walking around waiting for my health to just fail, and consequently hating life. I don't know when I became that person, but she needs to go somewhere far, far away.

It is amazing how we can convince ourselves that how we are now is how things will always be and that nothing positive can result from negative circumstances. We are armed, from birth, with the ability to choose. We can choose right from wrong, moral from immoral, left from right, and we can most certainly choose to slough off bad habits, past hurts, and change behaviors that would otherwise mean our demise (well that's how the doctors put it don't they?).

I'm not trying to preach. I've got a huge plank in my eye. Just encourage yourselves to be good to yourselves. Why be miserable when you can live a good life, hopefully impacting others in a positive way. I'm realizing I can't live unless I choose life. I'm good enough and the views of others that deem me otherwise can go, welllllll, they can get bent. I'm tired of condeming myself because of the hang ups of others.

Two lenghty and "deep" posts in 24 hours. My brain hurts. ;P