WHAT I HAVE LEARNED SO FAR...

Last week, in anticipation of tomorrow, the last day of classes before our final exams begin, I wrote a list of things I've learned about the students. My observations ranged from "boys smell like hoagies in the spring and try to cover it up with AXE" to how truly impressed I am at the ability my students have to deal with tremendous pressure and stress, yet still get things done. My school is really, really demanding and has high standards. That's not to say the students who need help in any way possible way do not receive help. Our school is a huge family and from the kids to the administration, we all care about each other very much. Yes, we have our resident jerks, but for the most part I can count them on one hand. Seriously.

When I was thinking of writing this, tonight, after grading the last of the essays for the year, I thought about what I have learned about myself since I started teaching.

The school: I love it. Does it stress me out to no end? Yep. In fact, this past September/October I found myself leaving in tears quite a few nights because of all the stress I knew I'd endure. I decided to not be so emotionally tied to my job. I gave it to God and said, "move me if you want...anywhere...I'm not stuck to this comfort zone anymore." Yes. Comfort zone. Even with all the stress, it is an awesome place to work.

Me as an educator: My job is never done. Even during the summer I'll be getting ready for next year. I'll be thinking about my kids from previous years and wondering how life is treating them. My first group of kids graduated from college this year. Wow! Aside from all of that, I see room for improvement and a desire to continue teaching. There are kids I reach that other teachers do not, from an academic standpoint and from a just-trying-to-get-through-life reality that these kids live. I'm still trying to understand the really smart and motivated kids. I relate to the lower and unmotivated kids, but somehow I've ended up teaching the higher levels. God's grace.

Over the summer, after a brief time to enjoy my best friend's wedding and a visit with my cousin in Tennessee, I'll be back to work planning for next year. I have a lot of ideas and I'm thinking of ways to streamline some of what I do so that I can be a little more organized. I'm literally reading at least 500-1,000 pages of paper a week (grading). That is aside from reading, updating plans, and planning.

Me as a person: Teaching has definitely made me more patient. I'm hyper (yet shy...don't get that one) and I see a task at hand and bull through until it is done. That can be stressful to me and those around me, so I've learned to be a bit more patient with myself. I've always had patience for others (well except the idiots on the road in the morning).

I learned a great deal about compassion and how to hold my tongue. I used to be quick to anger. Then I stopped taking things personally. It isn't about me. The kids are having their lives and I am so not a part of it. We plan and think about these kids from the time we wake up until we go to sleep. Really. Some of my best lesson plans, based on specific needs within my classes, have been "brainstormed" in the shower or on my way to work. Now, I find myself praying on my way to work. I pray for my friends and for my kids. I think of their needs beyond the classroom. I've learned that my assignments can be a little late if it means that a kid doesn't have a breakdown because of the load he or she is carrying. Sometimes an assignment isn't really as important as it once seemed when you hear about something in a child's life. Compassion is key. Good thing the kids understand my dry wit and sarcasm. I'd be screwed; that's going nowhere.

There is one other thing I've learned, though. I need a life. With all that I've said in the previous paragraphs, my lack of life is painfully evident. While I am satisfied with my job, I am not satisfied with the state of my personal life. Teaching takes a lot of a person's life. However, in giving so much of my time and energy I've seemed to have lost myself a bit. There should be more to life than work and home, back and forth. That is my summer assignment (that and reading my book about prayer).

So hopefully you all will see pictures of my adventures this summer. Then maybe, I'll have something more to write about than headlines and ice cream. :)