HEADLINES!!!!

Maybe I'll have something insightful to post someday soon, but until then...enjoy the headlines!

Pork shortage in China intensifies...
A bacon shortage? THE HORROR!!!!!

June snowstorm closes highway, dumps 8 inches in Wyoming...
Residents seen building Al Gore-men and melting them in effigy.

Big Turkey incursion in Iraq would be U.S. nightmare
Those big turkeys are frightening.

New Bacteria Named After Brazilian Scientist
Now he has a new pick-up line, "Hey baby, I got love germs I wanna spread. Care to catch 'em?"
(I'm not even good at fake pick-up lines...I'm hopeless.)

Students take TV fight to Venezuela Congress
Wait. They elect a DICtator and they think they'll have democratic recourse? Idiots.

Meet Bono? I'm not interested, says Canada's PM
Guess he's a Celine Dion fan. Blek.

Cops raid wrong place, kick man in groin
In the cops' defense, they mistook "Operation Sunshine" as wake-up calls for the alarm clock phobic.

English fans pool cash to buy their own soccer team
Wyatt, I've got my summer pay. Wanna see if we can pool our pennies and buy the Flyers? I've always wanted to own a hockey team. (That would be so cool!)

Police are easing age and fitness rules
If I ever want to quit teaching...

Origin of Deja Vu Pinpointed
I could have sworn I heard that somewhere before...(wha, wha, whaaaaaa)