HEADLINES!!!!!!!!

1. Joe Biden's Quest
To prove he is the biggest media whore known to mankind.

2. Tiny brain no obstacle to French civil servant
That, my friends, sums up France in one sentence.

3. Woman mistakes stuffed toy for masked crook
Poor Hamburglar doll.

4. Zoo faces charges for selling animals as food
This is obviously a fundraiser gone bad. I wonder if the penguins taste like chicken?

5. Woman finds black widow spider in grapes
Women, always check the grapes carefully. You never know what you'll find.

6. N.J. woman finds missile launcher on her front lawn
Ummm, yeah--so? It's NJ, we gotta be combat ready.

7. Do fish suffer from exposure to Uriah Heep?
The real question is: Who listens to Uriah Heep? (Jethro Tull?)

8. Honeymoon Plans Include Harry Potter Book
Either they are really lame, or they have figured out some tantric meets code words mean particular "acts" kind of game. I'm siding with lame...definitely wouldn't be reading or thinking about books.

9. Pope Benedict renews call to end all wars
And on the seventh day he rested. Apparently, the Pope thinks he has power and hasn't read the Bible lately.

10. Angry Elephant Stomps Man to Death in Thailand
Never piss off an elephant.

11. Greg Gutfeld: Sex Can Stop Violence Against West
I'm not volunteering for that job.
(Didn't one of our bloggers write something similar within the year?)

12. A Boyfriend's Arm Pillow: Boyfriend pillow
Japanese singles welcome the ultimate sleeping partner
Do I have to make him a sammich?

13. Czech politicians exchange blows
Guess the old "I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine" has winded its way into "Show me yours and I'll show you mine."