Sunday, March 16, 2008

Sunday Song

II Corinthians 5:17-19
Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation.

Easter of 1992 I decided that the life I was living wasn't enough anymore. Actually, beginning the previous fall, I started looking around the bars and clubs I'd been frequenting and I started to feel detached and like that wasn't where I belonged. Something inside of me wanted much more than being drunk more than I was sober and keeping company with people who really didn't care about me. I started to talk to God in between sips of whatever I was drinking. I asked for Him to help me be the person I was meant to be before I decided to walk away from Him ten or so years prior to 1992.

I grew up in "the church." I accepted Christ at a young age and was baptized around the age of 12. I wanted to be a missionary like my uncle. There I sat 12 years later, in a bar, chain-smoking, wondering and very, very empty.

Easter of 1992, I sat in my church, looked up (to keep the tears from flowing) and gave my life back to God after I so royally screwed it up for so many years with drugs, bad relationships, and too much booze. Within months, I was in college (my first attempt), wanting to be a teacher and hopefully, a missionary. I remembered my childhood dreams. Unfortunately, I was working full-time and I wasn't able to study as I had hoped. I dropped out and wondered what I was supposed to do. I worked in a bank and just accepted that as my path. But, every time I saw a college graduation on television, I'd cry. All I ever wanted was to not be that loser I once was. August of 1994, I was broadsided at 45 mph by a pick up truck. I was told to quit my job or risk losing the use of my right arm because of nerve damage. A little over a year later, the door opened to go back to college. I went, was very successful, and I have been blessed with a teaching position in a district where a lot of people would love to have a job. I've come to realize over the years I've taught that I don't have to go overseas to minister to people.

Despite my present blessings, though, I'm itchy again. My job is taxing mentally and physically. I haven't been well since I started working at my school. I haven't been to church two weeks in a row in almost four years. I used to be very involved with choir, Sunday school, and attending services. I also used to be really faithful about praying for others.

I'm tired. All I want to do is go to church, read my Bible, somehow minister to others, and have good relationships with people. That's all. (I realize I have to work if I want a roof over my head.) So, I'm wondering again.

Since I temporarily lost the use of my legs almost four years ago, I have just wanted to go somewhere for an extended period of time to just be by myself and read my Bible and pray. This summer seems to be the summer I get to do that, and I'm grateful.

I don't expect to do much more than a little bit of sightseeing; however, I look forward to the mental and spiritual rest.

I'm a mess physically and mentally tired, and I'm just glad God looks down on me with love and never-ending patience. He takes me just as I am. I've learned more and have grown more over the past few years than I thought possible. I am feeling that it is time to move forward.

"Just as I am"
David Phelps

Thank you for reading this.
I know it is long and not everyone is comfortable with people sharing their spiritual lives.


Jeffro said...

Thanks for sharing. Sometimes, just to keep on fighting is a means to an end.

RT said...

Not sure if I've ever looked at my life as fighting (don't worry, I know what you mean). Fighting myself, maybe. God has used everything, though.

Mrs Grim said...

This was very touching to read, RT, thanks for sharing it.

RT said...

Thank you, and you're welcome.

Ssssteve said...

Nice, Keep looking to Jesus! He is the ONLY answer!

RT said...

YUP! Man's wisdom = nada.