Snipers, yeah that's the ticket!

"I remember landing in sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we ran with our heads down. . ."

Then, after I put Chelsea in front of me as a shield, I picked up a weapon, showed that I could take it apart, put it back together, and then I killed the snipers aiming for our entourage. Not content to stop there, I commandeered an armored vehicle and went on a spree of saving the poor and innocent from the evil clutches of Republicans who would go to Bosnia to visit under the same circumstances (photo-ops, singing, eating with the troops, wearing sunglasses in gray weather, pointing at military thingies, and looking out at the horizon from a mountain range).

Later, when we met the locals, I stopped crime in its tracks and caused even the most heartless of bombers to stop in his tracks and change his ways.

I brought a community of women together over tea. Oh wait, that tea was part of my efforts to bring Northern Ireland together. Ummmm...o.k. Bosnia. (Well, I did so much foreign policy work. Can't remember EVERYTHING!)

Oh, I remember: Sinbad (the comedian), Sheryl Crow, and I united our efforts to bring peace and lasting harmony to Yugoslavia.

What? It isn't called Yugoslavia anymore? But they promised me a free Yugo.

Anyhoo-- Sinbad, Crow, and I put on our best ninja outfits and scoured the hillsides for souvenirs. Only the finest would do. I found the cutest trinkets for the White House. It was harrowing, though. All of that walking and smiling really made me exhausted. Oh, yeah, that's when we had tea. We stopped at the nicest little tea room and ate scones and finger sandwiches. (I needed some Immodium after that, though. War treats are the WORST!)

That's when more snipers appeared! I pulled out my pistol and shot them all, between the eyes.

Well, that's how I remember it.