Saturday, March 29, 2008


Forbes has published a list of cities in the United States most aligned with the seven deadly sins. I think you might find some surprises.

Sin #1: LUST

Denver ranked number one based on the amount of condoms and contraceptives (all types) sold. No wonder they are so happy and laid back.


San Jose, CA wins the title of greediest! What? You thought D.C.? NYC? Nope. San Jose, thanks to the tech world, has the most people with individual fortunes.

Sin #3: ENVY

Memphis is the winner! Surprised? Don't be. Memphis rates tops in property crime.

Sin #4: WRATH
Detroit is the most murder-filled city. Really? Guess that's what happens when your mayor is too busy texting or cavorting in top-secret meetings with his closest adviser.

Philadelphia is going to have to try harder. It was ranked ninth. In 2006, Detroit had 47.3 murders per 100,000 people; Philadelphia had 406 murders per 100,000. For some perspective, New York City has 7.3 murders per 100,000. After looking at the map on Forbes, all I can say is that I live near a lot of murderous cities, y'all.

(Did they stop by my house? Yikes!)
Guess what!?!?! Memphis is really obese! They must be eating a lot of fried peanut butter and banana sandwhiches. Gag!

Philadelphia didn't even make the list! However, the city where I will be spending my summer ranked seventh. Dagnabit.

Sin #6: SLOTH

The third time is the charm! Memphis wins again!
Apparently lots of fatty food and too much television will win you the distinction of being a slothful city.

See, in Philly, people are eating fatty foods, but they are spending a lot of time running from thugs. Who needs a treadmill when criminals are chasing you?

Sin #7: PRIDE

Forbes based their findings for pride on where people are most likely to show vanity through cosmetic procedures. I don't think Memphis won this one.

So who do you think won? L.A.? Nope. NYC? Nope. John "botox" Kerry? Close, but no. Salt Lake City won. Wow, those Mormons need to read their Book of Mormon a little more closely. It does explain Mitt Romney, though, doesn't it? Btw., my city for the summer? It ranked sixth. I'm doomed.


Jeffro said...

Lack of oxygen in Denver?

RT said...

Given all the hippies and such out there, at least they aren't procreating.

Anonymous said...

I always knew the Mor(m)ons were a little too smug. I wonder how it must feel to rank number one for both most fat and most lazy.

I'll have to move to either Denver or San Jose.

RT said...

I wonder how it must feel to rank number one for both most fat and most lazy.

I'll let you know. I felt like I could win that prize last week.

Denver or San Jose? I know which one I'd pick.