This post idea is from Rachel. She asked, "What is the fine line between 'turning the other cheek' and making one's self a target?" To be honest I don't know, since you have to rely on the "other" person's view of your personality and character. I think in the end you have to just do that which you are most comfortable. In the comments I mentioned for the most part that those who prey on others or cause irksome feelings in a person will always "get theirs" in the end. There have been countless times when family members have said truly hurtful things to me and I have chosen to not react. While my life moves forward, and while I have experienced academic and professional success, their lives have suffered (some tragic, for which I feel so sad for them). Now I could gloat and give very specific examples (non-tragic ones), but then I'd be like them and I don't want to be like them. I just always knew God was and is in my life; therefore, things would get better at some point...and things have gotten better and continue to get better. That is worth a million times more than me losing it for ten minutes and that being their memory of me and my character. My little victories are enough of an "in your face" to keep me going.
I turn the other cheek because I hate confrontation. It is not worth my blood pressure and it is not worth the energy. If people are going to behave like idiots they are not going to see my side of things and they will not change unless they experience some kind of change within their hearts and minds. That my dear, Rachel, is something we, as mere humans can never do. We can manipulate and we can whine until we get our way, but in the end, we cannot change the hearts of others and how they deal with people. Thus, while turning the other cheek might seem to be a wuss-like move, it might be the saner move...well, unless you are an axe murderer or something and then you have other recourse. :)
All of this does not mean that you don't stand up for yourself when you feel wronged. Just realize it is probably falling on deaf ears, and that those people to whom you turn your cheek probably see you as a target before you realize you have allowed yourself to become one.
Remember, we can remove ourselves from unhealthy situations and allow those that thrive on making others miserable to wallow in their own filth. We don't have to be a part of it, nor should we. Turning the other cheek doesn't mean putting up with abuse, unfaithful lovers, mean-spirited people who need to find fault in everything just so they feel better...it means not bowing to their levels of misery. Of course, there is also the idea of forgiving those that hurt us, which is hard, but must be done. I probably don't pray for my relatives as much as I should, either.
Turning the other cheek doesn't mean we have to be passive. Passivity in the face of harm definitely makes one a target. Just look at what the Democrats want to do. Passivity is seen as weakness by our enemies, thus we need to fight what will probably be a never-ending battle against them. But we have to fight them. We have to combat evil.
I have no real conclusion here; afterall, this is not an essay, but I wish I could give a conclusion. Hope this helped.
4 comments:
The incident that caused the spat that inspired my question now seems like nothing compared to the latest hand she has been dealt. I'm glad (in this example at least) that I let it go, because I would have felt like a real dolt if she'd really needed help today and didn't call because I couldn't cut her some slack for having a bad day.
Of course, I expect a few more bad days on the horizon for her. And I'll continue to bite my tongue.
Sometimes, at least for peace of mind, it pays to be the "bigger" person.
For the most part I agree with you. I think there are times when its best for everyone to remain silent whereas at other times I think you do yourself and the other person harm by not speaking up. I sometimes get mad at myself for not being brave enough to call someone on their bad behavior. But then I wonder if I would be like Meg Ryan in "You've got Mail" and regret being brave and saying what I wanted too.
I think every situation is different and I pray for the right door to be opened if I'm supposed to say something.
One thing that bothers me is that I've noticed in the "Christian realm" at least that bullies can get away with murder. I have a relative that is a very aggressive personality. She made my life hell one Christmas and I was so mad at myself for letting her get away with tons of hateful comments. She considers herself to be very "spiritual" and yet she can treat people like crap. And I realized that if I keep turning the other cheek she gets away with murder whereas I'm supposed to do the right thing but she's never called to account for her behavior.
After that I determined that I would never let her get away with that stuff again but I also have tried to avoid spending time with her like you've brought up.
I especially liked this paragraph of yours, it sums it up well:
"Remember, we can remove ourselves from unhealthy situations and allow those that thrive on making others miserable to wallow in their own filth. We don't have to be a part of it, nor should we. Turning the other cheek doesn't mean putting up with abuse, unfaithful lovers, mean-spirited people who need to find fault in everything just so they feel better...it means not bowing to their levels of misery."
LMC:
Thank you for the kind words. :)
There are always going to be relatives that say awful things. I used to let it get to me and I once had to have to people literally hold me down to keep me from throwing a family member down a flight of stairs (lonnnnnnng time ago). That same person hated me something awful most of my life. As I grew in my faith, I learned that she was the one with issues and I just had to let go...even if it made me "look" weak. Seriously, which takes more strength? I think I was the stronger person. Her life pretty much sucks and mine is improving. God keeps score. I've tried to befriend her a bit and she has softened and has been nothing but kind to me over the past ten years. Now where would I be if I constantly engaged her? (I soooo don't have that temper anymore...I had been up a few days because of substances I used to injest as a teenager.)
If you feel your relative is a hypocrtie with regard to her faith, call her on it...we're supposed to hold each other accountable. That's why I don't go on and on about my faith...I'm far from perfect.
Thanks again for the kind words. :)
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