I often use humor to cover my true state of mind. My last two posts are my way of trying to ignore how I've been feeling.
Lately, I've felt that I am burning out. I think I labeled as a seven-year itch at some point. I'm tired and anxious all the time. I can't concentrate and prepare the way I want to for my classes. I'm tired of excuses, a lack of work ethic, and kids behaving like I'm the hired help. I've always taken pride in being a conscientious, hard worker that put the needs of others before her own. It is probably why I really don't have a life. Being around groups of people outside of school even stresses me out at times. Today, I just felt flat DONE. I don't know what to do with this, to be quite honest. I like having a positive impact on others and helping them to see things in themselves that they don't see. Teaching is a bit more than subject matter. I am literally a mom-figure, a psychologist, a mender of broken hearts, and big sister, and an authority figure. If a kid needs a couple of dollars, I give it. If a kid is raising money for a school trip or needs help with an assignment for another class...there I am. When parents are at wits end with their kids and their apathy, guess who gets called and emailed?
I once told someone that at least most days, I'm at school anywhere between 10-12 hours a day. Lately, I've been doing all I can to just come home and curl up. Sometimes I wonder if I should quit teaching. Maybe it is not what I should be doing. Other times, I can't think of anything else I'd like to do. Sometimes I just don't know what else I would do.
I know there are bigger problems and issues in this world and that I'm very, very blessed to be in the school that I am, but I'm just so fried, can't think straight, and tired of school....home....school....home. Well, there are occasional trips to the store.
I need a hug (or a bazillion). :) Thanks for allowing me this moment to whine. I'm just fried.
F.Y.I:
Scholars define teacher burnout as a condition caused by depersonalization, exhaustion and a diminished sense of accomplishment (Schwab et al. 1986).
One of the most down to earth definitions described teachers as no longer considering themselves professionals, rather just paid individuals.
* suffer exhaustion
* be exhausted
* be used up, finished
Symptoms of teacher burnout include: anxiety and frustration, impaired performance, and ruptured interpersonal relationships at work and home (Wood, McCarthy 2000).
9 comments:
I'm with you....how long have you been teaching?
I've been a Department Chair for about 2 years and I'm pretty much over the whole college leadership gig, but that is more a fact that my school will close in a few years. I don't see the point of putting in the hours anymore.
On the other hand, when I'm in front of students I feel the most alive. I hold them to strict standards and watch them respond. The ones that don't respond get graded appropriately.
I offer tutoring if they want it and if they refuse, they assume responsibility for their failure (I won't internalize this.)
The part that hits me the most is the lesson planning prep work. If this is draining you also, let me know, I have some ideas for you.
Funny, there seems to be a lot of that going around. Especially among teachers. I suggest getting a sports car.
Hey--
Just wandered by and wanted to offer a little encouragement. I know the feeling exactly--I've been teaching about 2 decades now and sometimes (like when my big production finishes) I just want to go live in a cave away from people.
Still, the energy I get from kids makes it worthwhile. My guess is that on your worst day you're still touching kid's lives in ways you may not understand or see at the time but that will be remembered years later.
Rogue:
I've been teaching for seven years. I, too, like being in the classroom (most days). It is all the paperwork, hounding kids for late work, having five separate preps (I never reuse lessons, handouts once in a while, but each class has a personality of its own and requires an approach that meets that class), one class is one in which half of it is classified/inclusion, without a special ed. teacher, two weeks of the month I am at school until 7:00/7:30, I lose prep time to duties, ummmm don't think I've forgotten anything. Because of the one class, I am planning lessons that allow for differentiating. My students also email me their essays for conferencing...I'll be doing that tomorrow night if any of them take the time to do so. Some will. I have to call parents when kids don't show up to class or are a "C" or below. Even with the worst kids I'm sure to find some kind of positive to share with the parents. I also have seniors failing my class...that's always fun!
Eight more weeks. I'm open to ideas. It takes about 10-12 hours per weekend to prep for the week. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Diesel:
I can't afford a sports car. I would like the new Camaro when it comes out ( or the Challenger).
J:
Thank you. I appreciate your encouragement. It is not so much the people that get to me, it is the noise. I'm in a crowded school with lots of noise. Well, that and I don't really want to look at any teenagers (other than family)...I know what they are like. I love my students, though. It certainly is an interesting job.
Sending lots of hugs your way :-)!!! I'm sorry things are rough, I'll be praying for you to have wisdom on what you need and that God will provide it.
LMC:
Thank you, LMC. I appreciate it. I'm dragging. I woke up with a lovely sinus thing this morning to top it all off. Grrr...
Hugs are always a good thing.
rt,
I hear ya' on all of that. The district should definitely know that you need a Spec Ed teacher assistant. We just had two 8th Quarter Associates students fail Constitutional Law. Now they can't get federal loans to pay for the makeup course. We counseled them weekly, but they were just too lazy to do the work .. I can't feel sorry for them, we gave them every opportunity.
Reusing lesson plans is a good way to save time. However, you, like I, would never teach the exact same LP again. Recycling them is a better term.
1. Take an old LP, tailor it to your class. Add some deeper differentiation for the smarties. 2. Talk with other teachers that have or are teaching those courses and share... sometimes you learn from your peers and they learn from you. (Turn your mandatory faculty development meetings into something productive [many are just gab time]).
3. There are websites that offer lesson plans (some are pay sites some are not).
4. Start an LP swap on your blog. You'll probably find that some schools are using the same text as you.
5. Use curriculum mapping to create broad understanding of essential questions. Once a curriculum map is built, it meets the state standards, but can be modified as you like. Add issues in today's news to provide experiential connection.
I know you are probably trying most of these, but it's hard not to cross talk when using electrons.
"(Turn your mandatory faculty development meetings into something productive [many are just gab time])" We don't get these.
I have a rotating schedule and because of many things, such as a slower class...I can't count on being in the spot in any piece of literature from year to year, thus quizzes and everything must change. I do take from the year before, but if our focus is slightly different...so are the assessments.
I think having five separate preps is what's getting to me. Even if I'm not actively planning for all five at one time, I'm constantly thinking about what I have to do for those classes or I'm doing other stuff for all of those classes.
Thanks for all the great ideas, though. I'll try to use some.
I have a special "facilitator," which mean he/she checks on the progress of the students and meets with them from time to time, but it isn't the same as real inclusion...which works sooo much better. Thanks again!
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