Monday, May 21, 2007

Heh heh headlines!!!!!!

DNA shows One child -- but two Dads match!
This sounds like a job for Maury! (That, or the girl boffed brothers...duh.)

Joan Rivers: 'I believe in plastic surgery'...
Really? I never would have guessed. I thought all aging women suddenly attained raptor-like faces.

Jimmy Carter: BUSH IS THE WORST...
Update: 'My remarks were maybe careless or misinterpreted'...
Read: My remarks were made by me, but I'm an idiot (see my four years in office when I almost ruined this country).

'Helmet Boxing' A Dangerous New Craze For Teens...
Ok. So I went "there." I just couldn't resist, and if you don't know where my mind went, you're are so much a better person than me and it might be better that you don't know.

High school thespians honored
Why are they honoring teenagers fot what they do best? (Histrionics, drama, comedy, and tap dancing around things are their way of life.)

Gay flamingos pick up chick
I always thought they were kind of fagazie...being pink and all.

Cubans worry as Castro offers no clues on health
No worries. HE'S DEAD!

Sharpton dines with Mormon elder
Is this rehab? Did Sharpton lose his job? Oh wait, he doesn't really have a job. Does he?

Group: Border fence threatens wildlife
And your point?

How to Weigh a Black Hole
Very carefully?

Men's Minds Decline More with Age
Starting at age 12. Well, that's been my experience. Repeated experience. Bitter, old-maid talking, sorry. I'll stop before I piss anyone off or get myself in trouble. I love men, they just don't love me.

Viagra helps hamsters with jet lag
1. Do hamsters need viagra?
2. How many hamsters do you know that are flying around in different time zones?
3. Who came up with the question that was answered by this? Probably one of my former students.

Screw "Idol," Pick Hillary's Theme Song!

1. "I'm a Bitch"
2. "Gypsies, tramps, and thieves"
3. "Stand by your man"
4. "Running with the Devil"
5. "My baby does the hanky panky"

9 comments:

Ssssteve said...

Helmets?! do tell, what are you talking about?! HA

Anonymous said...

"Gay flamingos pick up chick"
Maybe they're trying to go straight.

"How to Weigh a Black Hole"
I'd like to see the scale.

"Men's Minds Decline More with Age"
What was the question again?

"Viagra helps hamsters with jet lag"
To me, it's not that the question was asked, but that someone found a need to answer it. Eeew!

Skul

Sezme said...

Sssssteve:
If you don't know (think you are lying) then you don't need to know. Don't want to sully your mind.

Skul:
Ha and ewwwwwwwwwww is right!

Dionne said...

Great rundown!!

As for Hillary's theme song they are all pretty accurate but if I had to pick I would pick #1!!!

Anonymous said...

Heh, I just found a good one.
I could leave an obvious comment on it, but won't.

"Study: Female Sharks Fertilize Own Eggs (AP)"

Skul

Sezme said...

Talk about multi-tasking! HA!

Buckaroo Banzai said...

Jimmy Carter is saying some OTHER President is the worst of all time? Wow.

The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Running with the Devil

Sezme said...

Wyatt:
Must be senility. Well, maybe not, because then we'd have to find other excuses for the past 80 years of his life.

CUG:
:P