Sunday, August 03, 2008

Headlines

I'm sorry my posts have been pretty blah the past few days. My head is elsewhere. I appreciate your patience with my funk. Hopefully these headlines will give you a chuckle.

1. Don't streak, get drunk or sleep outside
Dangit! Where was that advice many moons ago?

2. World's oldest joke traced back to 1900 BC
Caveman Bob: "Caveman Larry!"
Caveman Larry: "Grrrnnntttt!"
Caveman Bob: "Pull my finger!"
Caveman Larry: "Grrrrnnnnttt, uh-ah, grrrnnnntttt!!!!"

3. Ancestor of T-Rex dinosaur unearthed in Poland
The discovery of the T-Rexski brought about a surprising discovery: The T-Rexski had a strict diet of perogies.

4. Women at party mistake police for male strippers
Wyatt loves playing that joke on unsuspecting perps when he interrogates them in that hot, tiny room with the really bright light.

5. Mafia godfather's daughter ties knot in Corleone
So, do you think a pre-nup was needed? That guy better never make her unhappy, eh?

6. South Africa's ambitious climate change strategy may include carbon tax
Hey guys in the homeland of my grandfather: How about you improve the lives of those in the "townships" via jobs and such and then work on that aids problem, first. I'm just sayin'.

7. Dunkin' Donuts Adds Healthier Options
Two words that do not belong in the same sentence: Donuts and healthier.

8. Drunk man tries to fill his car with jet fuel
Well, the little voices in his head were saying, "Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.....jet-fuel funny cars!" He wanted to drive one is all. (What an ass.)

9. The stripper and the steelworker
The cashier and the cowboy
The accountant and the apple farmer
The hairdresser and the Harrier pilot
Wow, I could do this all day. ;P''''

10. Monkey from Mars: A Ga. crime lab's museum oddity
Was it some brass monkey???? (Enjoy the bad breakdancing.)


14 comments:

Snigglefrits said...

Ahhh...it feels good to laugh like that!

Here's one for you RT that I saw on another friend's site earlier-

"Master Bait & Tackle and Tiki Bar Cafe hit by burglars"

After the first few words, my dirty mind played tricks on my eyes and I swore for a second that was a Titi Bar Cafe...

And I just looked at the word verification- apefkd That couldn't be good. :D

Wyatt Earp said...

Hey, I could almost pass for a male stripper after losing the weight! Almost.

RT said...

Snigglefrits
Heh....that is funny.

Wyatt
Just make sure you wear pasties.

Snigglefrits said...

Wyatt in pasties. That was a visual I could have lived without.

RT said...

Well, at least I left the tassels out of it.

Snigglefrits said...

Wyatt in tassels!! That is a sight the world should see. I must get a photoshopping friend on the case immediately.

Muahahahahah! ;)

RT said...

Don't forget the sequined g-string and hooker heels.

Snigglefrits said...

And mascara! Can't forget that. ;)

RT said...

Lots of mascara to make him an uppity whore.

(Y'all have to visit Sniggs's site to understand that comment.)

Hey, I wore mascara for absolutely no reason today. Woo hooo!

Deathlok said...

Does the Carbon Tax get applied to the amount of Carbon in each person? . . . .expensive.

Wyatt doesn't wear Mascara. As my daughter calls it "Guyliner"

Wyatt Earp said...

But I look GREAT in the Guyliner!

RT said...

If I hold my breath, will that limit the carbon?

Guyliner....many of my guy friends wore it back in the day. The '80s...fun while it was happening, but I wouldn't trade the life I have now for it--that's for sure.

Anonymous said...

"Ancestor of T-Rex dinosaur unearthed in Poland"

Helen Thomas?


Skul

RT said...

I think that would be an insult to Polish people everywhere. :)