Caption Contest

It's Thanksgiving and that means one thing: LOTS OF TRAFFIC! Let's honor drivers of all ages and modes of transportation via this contest! Have fun, be creative, and enjoy the holiday weekend! I'll post winners sometime Monday evening.

THE WINNERS

5. Vinnie Antonelli:
Granma's hopes of getting run over by a reindeer this holiday season were mercilessly crushed, just like her scooter was by this late model Buick.

4. Rodney Dill:
They never did get past Jeff Gordon's grandmother.

3. Cowboy Blob:
Just wait until the nitrous kicks in, horn boy.

2. Skul:
Horn blows......

THIS WEEK'S WINNER IS. . .
1. Lil Bro:
Since OJ is financially strapped, his next "low speed Bronco chase" was compliments of the Las Vegas Senior Bingo League.




OTHER CONTESTS:

• Bullwinkle Blog
• Cowboy Blob
• Gone Rick Motel
• Right Pundits
• Rodney Dill
• Wizbang
• Wyatt

Thankful

I am thankful for. . .

• a God who loves me and His Son that died to save me.
• a mom and dad who love me.
• that I have a job and can pay my bills.
• that I have a job that allows me to actually teach.
• that I have a roof over my head that has running water and electricity.
• that I am living in a country where I can voice my opinion, have a job, have an education, and not worry about getting harmed physically for doing so.
• those who are willing to defend my country no matter the cost.
• my friends and their love.
• that I've been blessed with a reliable car.
• that I've been blessed with good, improving health.
• that the lack of feeling, that I've had for three years (nerve damage), in my right calf is almost completely gone.
• my hurts, because it means that I have not become so cynical that I've developed a cold heart and stopped caring about others.
• my ability and capacity to love.
• the talents and gifts God has given to me.
• all the protection God granted me when I should of ended up dead, in jail, or addicted to something.
• my ever faithful kitty cats. Hey, they keep me warm at night.
• my bloggy friends; without whom, my life would be a little emptier.
• RT Tube! (ha!)

"How Could I Ask for More"
Cindy Morgan


I'm thankful for many things that I did not mention. Despite all my whining, I'm very grateful for my life and how God has blessed me. I'm also thankful for blessings that I have not yet experienced.

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. Lamentations 3:22-26 (NIV)

Have a safe, happy, and blessed Thanksgiving!

Exhibit A

You know how Wyatt rants about the Philly media? Well, here is an example of just how dumb they can be. (The guy in the clip usually presents himself as good-natured and witty on television. Imagine being in his shoes.)

This reminds me of the time a little freshman walked up to me in study hall and asked, "What does riding the baloney pony mean?" (Spelled that way for style reasons.)

Oy vey!

Goin' Commando

Heh.

When I got home today, I decided to just chill out for a while and watch a movie. As I scanned through the free movie channels, I came across an old favorite: Commando! I forgot about its cheesy goodness! The best part in my book is the "so-bad-it's-good" mall scene. I worked in the mall where this was filmed (two years later). It is the same mall where Fast Times at Ridgemont High was filmed. For the record, I worked at Orange Julius. I flipped a mean burger.

All I want for my birthday. . .

is an Aragorn salad with no dressing. Yummy!



Well, this is what happens when I am tired.

Pick a winner!

The NHL has opened up voting for the selection of all-stars. Go ahead and vote.


Speaking of winners, I've picked my caption contest winners. Go have a look-see.

Tired

Ridiculous

Have you ever wanted a vanity plate for your vehicle? Retired NYC police officer, Arno Herwerth does, but New York is telling him that his choice in plates is "obscene, lewd, lascivious, derogatory to a particular ethnic or other group or patently offensive."

His choice? "GETOSAMA."

When did it become offensive to want a terrorist, nutjob dead?

Next thing you know, New York will want to give every illegal alien a drivers' license. Oh wait.

(H/T: Fox)

I saw a plate that had "PWNED" on it a few weeks ago. That made me giggle.

R.I.P. Mr. Whipple

Mr. Whipple is no longer with us. Truth be told, his thing about the Charmin was a little OCD, eh?

Another childhood icon--gone.

Blessings

Tonight my dad called to tell me that after a nap (must run in the family) he felt the need to go outside and check on things. When he did, he found a frozen turkey, instant potatoes, Stove-Top stuffing, cranberry jelly/goo, gravy, peas, corn, sweet potatoes, and a pumpkin pie. There was a cross on it, but no note.

Wow! I'm glad someone thought of my dad. He doesn't always mention to people that he has a daughter, so maybe someone thought he'd be alone, or just wanted to reach out to my dad during the holidays. Whatever the reason, he and I are both grateful and feel blessed by this act of generosity.

My mom was going to cook dinner for me to take over to my dad's Thursday. I've never cooked a full Thanksgiving meal and she's an awesome cook, so those were the plans (she's going to my aunt's). Now, I get to cook for my dad at his house. I'm really excited. I can cook and I've watched my mom and grandmothers closely for many years. My mom's dad had a small restaurant until I was about four or five. It is in the blood.

I just wanted to share this unexpected blessing. They happen-big and small.

Oh, and yes, I have a song for you! HA!

Sunday

No song this week. I sometimes feel like a bit of a hypocrite when most of my blog is not centered on God. I'm a human, though and I have never felt it to be very productive or honest if I didn't just express myself as I am. Some days are better than others.

I've been really wordy over the past few days, so feel free to read those posts and listen to the plethora of music I've linked. I think I've gone music-happy again. It happens. I love music. There could be worse things, right? I mean, I don't think you'd read posts about my love for escarole soup or beef stew, right?

So let's see. . .the Eagles are losing, the Flyers lost last night, it is raining and cold (like rain, not frigid air), and my cats are curled up with me. Yep, it is a lazy Sunday. I did rummage through some old clothes and found some things that now fit and some things that will fit in another month or two. I hope that in June, I'll be shopping for some nice, new, much lower in size clothes.

Here are my boys in their favorite position:

APPEARANCE VS. REALITY

I was just reading an email a friend of mine sent to me. It was a grouping of pictures meant to make me smile. One picture jumped out at me. It is Arnold Schwarzenegger as a young man and as he has been seen recently.

I'm not criticizing him. In fact, I dare say even his younger photo wasn't all him. As we all know, perfection is only found in Photoshop, airbrushing, and retouching. We will all, to some degree or another, end up like the "older" picture and not the younger.

While I was at the movies, today (American Gangster--it is good and thought provoking--go see it), I looked around me. I didn't see anyone particularly model quality. I saw couples (tend to see them more when you are alone) who decided to forgo bullshit and decided that what they had to offer each other beyond looks was more important, and you know what? They were happy.

Because of my profession, I am surrounded by adolescent angst all of the time. It is easy to absorb that angst and get all caught up in the things that one gets caught up in as a teenager all over again. Often, I find myself walking around school with the same negative thoughts I had about myself when I was younger. Dumb, but it happens. So today my heart was lifted by seeing adults being adults and putting the bullshit aside.

Speaking of the bullpucky of shallowness, here's a song that addresses the vibe of "appearance versus reality." I've heard the song, "Fake It" by Seether a lot this week, so I thought I'd share. I'm sure the men-folk will like the scantily clad women and there is the use of the "F" word (fair warning). It is a good song, nonetheless.

Another song I heard today, that I really like, but had not listened to in a really long time is "Drift and Die" by Puddle of Mudd. I really like the words.

A chance to thank the troops in a really easy way!

America Supports You has created a way to text message people serving overseas.

Over the next five days, if you text 89279, you can send a holiday message to a deserving service member. I've done it several times already and received some pre-written messages back telling me who the messages reached. What a great way to start your day!

Go wish them a great day, a great holiday season, or just send a message of support.

Note: Mrs. Grim has a post about Operation Bedding. This is another way to support our troops. They can never be thanked enough.

Get down, get funky, get loose!

Do you ever find yourself up at really stupid early hours in the morning? Yeah, I did, this morning. I woke up around my normal "school" time, but it's Saturday and since I couldn't get back to sleep, I started watching an infomercial hosted by the two guys from Air Supply. (Lord help me.) They were pitching those compilation CD's that are so popular--soft rock hits.

The music on the infomercial reminded me of all the music I listened to as a little kid/pre-teen. I wasn't allowed out much at that point and so I'd hang out in my room, turn up the music (wasn't allowed to watch much television, either), practice the hair and make up thing, and eventually put on high heels, grab a hairbrush, and sing and dance around my room.

At one point they showed John Waite, so that made me go look for this John Waite song. Well, then I thought I this Baby's song.

Then, I heard my favorite Bonnie Tyler song! I love this song...and I can sing it!

So I guess you should know what I was dancing to in my room, huh? For dancing around the room when I was a youngin', I especially loved a good groove and rhythm.

However, one fateful New Year's Eve, a local D.J. on the radio played what he said he thought were bands that would be huge in the future--his predictions for the year(s) to come. I vividly remember hearing two songs, "New Years Day" by U2 (yeah, we didn't hear from them again) and one that would change my life forever. I had always listened to hard rock, even as a young child, but THIS BAND just blew me away!

Geez, I remember the days of sitting in front of MTV for hours waiting for Motley Crue and Iron Maiden .

What's up around the blogosphere?

With a bit of a twist on the "Top Five Airplanes" post that has been spreading around, DBA Dude has a a "Top Five Spaceships" list. YAY! Dr. Who! Gotta love flying phone booths!

Ambulance Driver has his own version of what went down at the Madison Senior Center. It's funny.

Dragon Lady has moved on from Halloween to Christmas in her own twisted way. Heh. (I was going to post this cartoon but didn't have the nerve.)

Fiar has started a humor blog. Go visit him and have a laugh.

Old NFO is going stir crazy in Australia. He posted a quiz to see what character of Discworld you are (sounds like a music shop to me), but I never heard of the thing. However, I ended up as a male character which is disturbing me. HA!

John D. has his Friday movie quote. Go say, "Hi!"

Peakah is BACK! That's all you need to know.

Wyatt has a meal deal for you! Not sure if it is finger licking good, though. Heh.

Deathlok has some zombies you can kill. Hmm...made me think of this song!

Go visit Von and "name that toon!"

What do I have to offer?

Driving to work for an hour. . .

Keeping my nose to the grindstone. . .

And driving home for an hour leads to very long days and way too much time on my hands to think. Way too much time.

I did get a really good fortune cookie today: "This is an extremely favorable day, just perfect for romance." Well, at least it is a favorable day.

And then I heard this song on the drive home. Cracked me the f'k up. Yes, the "F" word is an art in Jersey.
"You Never Even Call Me By My Name"
David Allan Coe

Caption Contest

Gobble-gobbble-hey! How about some fun captions for this fine-feathered strutter? Have a great weekend. I'll post winners Monday by 10:00 P.M.

THE WINNERS!!!!!!!!!!

4. Dragonlady:
In a failed genetic experiment, scientists crossed a turkey with Tina Turner. And although it didn't produce bigger drumsticks for Thanksgiving, it did give the turkey some killer legs.

3. Von:
Once you go giblet, you never go back.

2. Wyatt Earp:
Woman: "Just look at Tina Turkey. She thinks she's cock of the walk."

And this week's winner is. . .
1. Deathlok:
Jane felt woozy and filled with a dreamy desire. Then she realized that it was just Tom's Tryptophan musk.





OTHER CONTESTS:

• Bullwinkle Blog (I got third place this week!)
• Cowboy Blob
• Gone Rick Motel
• Right Pundits
• Rodney Dill
• Wizbang
• Wyatt (I got sixth place this week!)
  

I wonder if they finish with a group rub of Ben Gay?

Hope they don't throw a hip!

In Madison, Ohio a threesome got together, in public, at a senior center.

"The three seniors were not at all shy about when or where they got together and didn’t care much about who might be watching. Police got one call about a 94-year old woman 'inappropriately touching an 83-year-old man.'"

What's that? At least one woman is almost 10 years older than the guy? Dang...cougars at that age?

HA! Yeah, well, at least someone is "getting some." It's all about the nookie at that point, eh? It appears that our grandparents may have been freaks! Well, mine weren't.

I wonder what they were like when they were young?

(H/T: KHOU)

If you go to this link, the second selection, "Senior Sex Scandal" can be seen via televised report.

Why am I thinking about this at 5:00 a.m. and not getting ready for work? Ugh.

YAY! Curvaliciousness is good!

Ok, I know I am curvier than Pikes Peak , but now it is a good thing!

I am one of the blessed! The brightest! Why? My hips a bit bigger than my waist (have one somewhere). Why is that so special? It means I'm a smarty! It appears that the junk in my trunk is comprised of intelligence! Woohoo!!!!! It also means that if I ever have kids, they'll be smart, too. But, I'm not having kids, so that doesn't matter. But, my honors kid would not only pwn intellectually, but he'd also be a strong little punk. Well, he would.

COMPLETE AND UTTER RANDOMNESS

I recall stating a couple of times that my most embarrassing moment was while I was chatting up a guy that I liked, I walked into a support beam at my local mall. I happened across this picture of that mall. If you click on it and look to the right of the picture, you will see those support beams. A knock on the head for a really bad kisser sucks!




This is currently my best friend in the whole wide world. It's my favorite blue pill. It doesn't seem to be working, tonight, though. You ever have your ankles cramp? Nice...


I took this today on the way home from work. It is my favorite part of the ride. I'm surrounded by trees. I was trying to get a shot of the pretty colors, but I ended up with something much cooler, rays of light-almost warpy. Click to enlarge it and you'll see.




Ummm...so much could be said. I'll refrain. Just thought it was funny and thought provoking. HA! (click on it for a better view)





And finally, this man/whatever asks if you really want to hurt him? I think he'd really like to hurt you. Ewwww!

Time for a battle!

Which is your favorite for a night at the movies?

HOT, BUTTERED POPCORN

OR

NACHOS

THE FUNNIES!

Twelve hour day, fourteen if you count the commute. I really couldn't muster the brain cells needed to make a for real post, so I found some jokes that I think you all will find funny. Have a good one! :)

Two Muffins
So there's these 2 muffins in an oven.
They're both sitting, just chilling and getting baked.
And one of them yells "Damn, it's hot in here!"
And the other muffin replies "Holy Crap, a talking muffin!"

First Time Cussers
A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we start cussing." The 4-year-old nods his head in approval. The 6-year-old continues. "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to say hell and you say ass."

"OK!" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast. "Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The mom locks him in his room and shouts "You can just stay there till I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old, and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast young man?

"I don't know," he blubbers, "But you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios!"

Don't say I didn't warn ya!
Q: How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to change the light bulb, one to be a witness, and the third to shoot the witness.

You want some headlines? I'll give ya some headlines!

1. It's official: you don't have to live in France
YAY!!!! Wow! I have been waiting for good news like that for years! That's a relief.

2. Sexy walk could be misleading message
Maybe it is because the heels are killing her feet? No? Well, then it could be a man.

3. Court orders goat thief to say sorry
Why? Because he was ba-a-a-a-a-a-d. With that, I am reminded of this. (The whole thing is worth watching, really.)

4. AC Ballet will perform 'Nutcracker'
Atlantic City has a ballet? Oh wait, they are performing the Nutcracker--must be a mob version of the ballet.

5. Bank manager gives woman loans for sex
I wonder if the quality of the sex determines the interest rate. Heh. "You suck! You must pay 11 percent interest."

Favente Deo supero

Favente Deo supero
By God's favour I conquer

Sometimes things happen and you are left scratching your head. I was back over my dad's, today. Two in-state relatives that I've never spoken to for more than conversation at funerals came to bring my dad a birthday cake. It was very nice of them (dad's aunt and cousin). My aunt lost her husband about a month or so ago. Along with her, she brought my dad two of my unlce's prized possessions, purchased in Scotland. She also brought me a kilt pin. It is really pretty. Actually, I was really moved by her gesture. I didn't do more than kind of look at it, as her kindness made me a little choked up.

As you can tell by yesterday's post, I'm feeling a little blah. I've been feeling that way for a while, but I've tried really hard to not bring it to the blog. This is where I come to garner some humor and to talk to people. I don't want to chase y'all off with my "stuff."

When I said yesterday that I've been praying for change, one of the things I pray for within all of that is for God's favor. The only way I can explain it to you is that it means I'm asking God for His grace in my journeys, my decisions, and how I'm provided for--finances and such. Things have been tough for a while and I've about reached my limit. That's what's been bothering me lately. One thing after another, over and over, one hurt followed by another.

So I pray for favor and grace.

When I got home tonight, I decided to look up the latin on the pin. God had one of those "ha" moments at my expense when I saw that it said, "By God's favour I conquer." That motto for my family name could not be more fitting, especially when I look at things from a big picture point-of-view.

A funny from the clan kilt pin crest? In the center, is a hand holding a pen. (See above, right...left is an example of a kilt pin)

Hmmm. . .

(I did find out that my dad's great-grandmother was a stage singer/actress in Scotland. So that is where I get my obnoxiousness and love for music and the arts, eh?)

Thank you.

Yo, Chavez! Shut up!!!!

Why didn't someone think of this when Chavez was visiting the United Nations (a.k.a. Useless Nutjobs)?

It appears that Chavez was on his Bush is the devil-like rant. This time, the major focus of his rant was former Spanish Prime Minister Aznar, by calling him a fascist (umm...hello Mr. Pot???). After he wouldn't give it up, Spanish King Juan Carlos, turned to Chavez and said, "Why don't you just shut up?"

I promise, if named as the ambassador to the U.N., I'll tell all annoying nitwits to shut the f'k up, Jersey style.

All of this telling people to shut up has reminded me of a song. (What doesn't, right?)


(H/T: Breitbart)

Just kind of thinking out loud.

Change is a weird thing, a good thing, and a hard thing. I don't usually experience much change that falls into the "good" category. New friends and improved health are good changes for me. I've also renewed ties with one of my cousins since my grandmother's death. For as good to me as my grandmother was, she didn't like me having much contact with my cousins. Since her death, one cousin has kept in touch with me (not that I really want to speak to the other two, but that's another story). I got a birthday card from her today, a little early, but it was the first card I ever got from her. I don't even have a clue as to when her birthday is. Then, just now, I got an email from her. It is weird for me.

My mom's side still sees me as the punk-ass kid I was when I was younger; therefore, they treat me like I have half a brain. My dad's side always lived far enough away that I never really got to know them (again, a good thing). I'm always taken back a little when people actually make an effort to be nice to me. I'm not all that used to it. I'm actually used to lots of rejection. Maybe I try to exceed bounds that are evident to them and not me? Who knows? I just know that I never seem to meet the expectations that others have for me. So for my cousin to be reaching out to me is some good change.

It was nice to get that email and that card.

I spent the day in my grandmom's house, today, and it was kind of hard. I haven't stepped foot inside the house since January. It is just too hard. My dad has given away some of the furniture, so it was weird to see my grandmom's hardly used chair and my grandpop's well-worn chair missing from their spots. My dad and I sat on the old sofa. I sat in my grandmom's spot and my dad sat in my usual spot. I felt sad. Sitting next to my dad, who will have a birthday this week, I could see his hurt about things in life. I could feel his pain when he said that sometimes when he sits there he can still feel that my grandmom is there. He talked about selling the house and moving to Maryland. Sometimes, I want to say, "What about me?" However, I have learned in life that you can't control or manipulate people. To truly love them and to have them know you love them is to just let them be who it is that makes them happy to be. After all, you're not the one living in their skin. However, part of me feels like I have to protect my dad. But, part of me also feels and knows that if he's happier someplace else, well, then he needs to be someplace else.

Funny thing is, I keep praying for change in my life. This isn't what I meant, though.

Thought it only happened in the movies. . .

Have you ever seen someone that you wished you had spoken to, only to feel like you allowed something special slip by you?

Some guy on a NYC subway did, and he found her. There's a related video at the top left of the article. This website also goes with the story.

Must be nice.

Is it that hard?

I'm not always the most graceful person. However, before I became my current size, I was fairly good at sports, dancing, and general acrobatics. That said, I'm finding some humor in the fact that these guys can't do jumping jacks. It reminds of when my mom took me to sign up for kindergarten (yes, I remember). One of the things they had us do involved skipping across the room. There were a couple of kids that couldn't do it. I guess they were trying to identify developmental delays.

So I feel guilty thinking this is funny, but if I had been the guy leading PT that morning, I would have busted a gut. That's why he is the professional and I am not.

A festival of fun!

Ok. I feel like crap, today. The convention I wanted to go to that I plunked down an nonrefundable Benny for...couldn't go. So, I'm p.o.'d on top of it. Seriously.

What better way to get me out of the funk than to try to find some fun to put a lost day, that was supposed to be really productive, out of my head.

These will make you say WTF?!?!?
Every once in a while I come across stuff online that just makes me say, WTF?!?! I have a feeling you might have similar reactions to the following three tidbits:

• This guy has taken a true classic and made it a bit of a break-up (more like breakdown) song. Watch the reaction of the producer/engineer when the guy begins to "sing."

• It is not often we get to see actor, Mickey Rourke up close and personal. Not that we want to, but this is a warning about plastic surgery. You know, I never did get all the hype about 9 1/2 Weeks.

• A teen gets a spanking he didn't deserve.

********

While this is not a WTF!?!?!, it is a funny educational video via The Poor Farm (Jeffro).

*******
And finally, I heard "Tempted" by the band Squeeze the other day. I always liked hearing their music when it came on the radio. While, today, I have an appreciation for music of all kinds, that was not the case as a young metal-head. However, there were bands that I liked that transcended my desire to bang my head. Squeeze was one of them. Enjoy.

Books

I just read a book in about a half an hour. Really, it wasn't a child's book telling me to rhyme or teaching me that some people have two mommies or daddies and it's not because of divorce.

I read a book about writing. One day, when I have more than ten-minute spurts to write, I want to craft witty, yet well-written prose. Someday. Until then, I will study Elmore Leonard's 10 Rules of Writing.

I think I'll also go back and buy a book or two of his to read. I really enjoyed the style of writing contained within his rules (and the rules themselves).

I started a book yesterday during my lengthy pedicure: The Life of Pi. I like the use of language. When I finish, I'll let you all know how it turned out. In fact, I should be doing work. I'll get to it later; perhaps, I should just read.

I speak noimal!

I saw this at Parkway Rest Stop. While I know I say a few words in a distinctly South Jersey way, I often have people ask if I am from different parts of the country. My favorite part of this result is that is says that my national identity is more important than my local identity. That is true. I do say "dawg," "wooder" for water (ok, sometimes wahder), "baygull" (bagel), and y'all. Go figure.

What American accent do you have? (Best version so far) Neutral You're not Northern, Southern, or Western, you're just plain -American-. Your national identity is more important than your local identity, because you don't really have a local identity. You might be from the region in that map, which is defined by this kind of accent, but you could easily not be. Or maybe you just moved around a lot growing up.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

Caption Contest!!!

Hey, we've got a fun one this week! Have fun and have a great weekend. I'll post winners by 10:00 Monday evening. Really. I promise. :)

Make sure you visit the other contests listed/linked below the picture.

THE WINNERS!!!!

5. Wyatt Earp:
"These compact discs are so hard to read!"

4. Rodney Dill:
Brunette: "I wonder if this Narcissus SIM will run on my computer."
Blonde: "I don't know, but the mirrors that came with it are cool."

3. Vincent Antonelli:
Brunette: "Really nice of that guy to give us these cd's wasn't it?"
Blonde: "Yeah, and the Aqua Dot candy he gave me tasted just like Skittles!"

2. John D:
"Hey look, my picture's on their new CD."
"No it isn't. It's my picture. See?"

AND THE WINNER IS. . .

1. JT:
Oh. My. Gawd. Why didn't you tell me about this giant hole right in the middle of my face? I hate you now...

OTHER CONTESTS:
Bullwinkle Blog (I took 2nd place this week!)
Gone Rick Motel (I WON this week!)
Cowboy Blob
Right Pundits
Rodney Dill
Wizbang
Wyatt

A new toy

This morning in between blood work and my appointments for pampering, I stopped into a local, huge chain bookstore. As I walked in, I noticed the usual "cheap" offerings in the foyer. One thing caught my eye, though. Let's just say it will come in handy during the run for the nomination. Ha!

You may click on the images to make them bigger, but I'm not sure you want an even bigger view of Hillary's fat head and equally fat ass.

On the front side, I decided to give her a "bad hair decade," "platform deform," and oddly enough, the "Ms. Roboto" area is where a normal person would have a heart. Hmmm...didn't the tin man want a heart?

On the flip side, I pinned "rent this space" at the top of her head. I wonder if the rent is cheap? At the small of her back, I pegged "Hill-o-ween." Of course, I was only left with one other spot that needed a good poke--her ass! Otherwise, identified on the doll as "Ummmmmmhhhhh." Fitting, I'd say.



Please note that I do not condone witchcraft of any kind. I also do not practice it. You know...gotta cover my ass and not scare people.

Gee, ummm, maybe we should think about making toys elsewhere?

I have an idea. It took all the brainpower I have, so bear with me. There have been lots of problems with Chinese made products of late.

While no country is absolutely infallible when it comes to desired product safety, don't ya think we should take more care and have products made in countries with a lot more oversight? Just a thought.

There are a lot of unskilled U.S. workers/people who would appreciate those jobs.

I know the world's issues aren't that easy to solve, but maybe it is time to re-establish our pride in craftsmanship. It is how our country was built, right?

Get ready to checkmaaaaaate!!!!!

What do WWE-like nicknames, chess, boxing, and a XXX theater have in common? Chess boxing!

I used to advise our chess club. Those kids were so brutal toward each other. I almost had fights break out a couple of times.

What happens in chess club, stays in chess club.

Before I start posting utter nonsense. . .

I wanted to take a minute and bring your attention to a few posts.

Wyatt provides us with a glimpse of what was probably the most heart-wrenching experience anyone could witness.

Captain America takes some time to thank the Philly Police Department for their hard work-hard work. That hard work is mirrored by the tasks undertaken by the Philly Fire Department. Philly is a tough place to work, y'all.

John D. has been sent to the western side of our country. While he could have been sent to Iraq or Afghanistan and wasn't, he is still separated from his family and from his normal day-to-day routine.

Go give him a hello.

Thanks to all of you who serve selflessly.

I'm sorry. . .

I have a guilt complex. I was raised with it. Everything is my fault. All the grrrr I experience is my fault. You get the idea. So, I'm sorry for falling down on the job the past few days. I've been dealing with fatigue, the end of a marking period (that's about half of what I have left to grade--size of a weekly pile, though), and family stuff. It has left me kind of spent.

I have managed to finally post the caption contest winners for the week. I think I managed a couple of posts this week, too.

By Monday, I should be all caught up on my work, grades done, have gone to a convention for a couple of days of workshops, had a family dinner, and spent some time getting pampered at my favorite salon. Well, I have to do something going into a week I know will be at least 60 + hours.

I need some fun. Hmm...gotta add that to the list.

Note: I hate this post. It is quite self-absorbed. Grrr... ;)

A request from Wyatt:

*This post will remain at the top of my blog until Officer Cassidy's funeral.

The following post taken from Wyatt's blog provides information on how to give to Officer Charles Cassidy's memorial fund. Maybe you could take the cost of one or two Christmas presents (or something of the like) and give that money to the fund. The picture of Officer Cassidy will remain on my sidebar as reminder of his sacrifice and in honor of his 25 years of service to Philadelphia. I will remove it the day of his funeral.

The Charles "Chuck" Cassidy Family Memorial Fund

Regular readers of SYLG know that I rarely ask anything from my audience. But today is different. Hell, for a lot of us in my division, life itself is now different. Anyway, I know that you folks are the best readership in the blogosphere, so today I am making a request:

Please donate what you can to the Charles "Chuck" Cassidy Memorial Fund.

Here are the details:

Members of the Philadelphia Police Department's 35th District have established a trust fund for the family of Police Officer Chuck Cassidy, who was killed in the line of duty on Thursday, November 1, 2007 .

Anyone wishing to make a donation can do so in the following ways:

By mailing a check payable to:

The Charles Cassidy Family Memorial Trust Fund
901 Arch Street
Philadelphia PA, 19107

Donations can also be personally taken to the 35th Police District, which is located at 5960 N. Broad St. Philadelphia PA, 19141 or to any of the following Philadelphia Police and Fire Credit Union Branches:

901 Arch Street, 7604 City Avenue, 8500 Henry Avenue, 3338 S. Broad Street, Leo Mall - Byberry and Bustleton Avenues, 7500 Castor Avenue, and 3330 Grant Avenue.

Note: Please go by Wyatt's blog and leave him some good words. He could use them. This has been a draining week for the PPD.

Captain America has a wonderful post that speaks about what is contributing to the problems in Philadelphia.

ON STRIKE!

This is truly tragic. Pens and pencils have grown cold, longing for the warmth of their owners' grips. Computers are crying out for words that inspire and humor. OH-THE-HUMANITY!!!! Actors everywhere cry out, "Where are our words? We have no voice and nothing to espouse without other people telling us what to say!"

Umm...that about sums up how they end up liberals, eh?

Shows like Back to You, 'Til Death, and Rules of Engagement will have to stop filming immediately because, "the shows are typically written the same week they are filmed, with jokes being sharpened by writers even on the day of production" (Fox News).

I'd hate to see what those jokes are like in their "dull" state.

What are these poor writers to do? People, please! For the love of all that is decent and good in this world! Please find your local writer and give him or her a hug. Make the writer feel useful: Request a witty phrase for your upcoming date, meeting, or other important function. For without writers, we will simply have to come to our own conclusions about life. What? They don't sneak in political statements in the name of entertainment? Surely you jest!

You know what, though? I will miss Letterman's top ten lists. Hmmm...here's one that I'm not sure would make the air.

THE TOP TEN THINGS WRITERS CAN DO TO SURVIVE THE STRIKE

10. Forget the AA meetings, it is time to party!

9. Read books to school children. (Oh, I'm sorry, that would require contact with the common people.)

8. Go to the local store and stock up on macaroni and cheese, beer (generic beer), and ramen noodles. All the starving artists do it.

7. Trade in that Prius for a 10-speed. The 10-speed will climb hills faster, anyway.

6. Take pride in all the trees that are saved by not printing out bad jokes and lines and throwing them out...repeatedly.

5. Get a part time job writing fortune cookies.

4. Use the time to go on a road trip to see how the REAL WORLD lives.

3. Instead of walking the picket line, go serve homeless people lunch. Oh, wait. That dang common people thing again.

2. Switch from bottled water to tap.

And the #1 thing writers can do to survive the strike. . .
1. They could always go teach creative writing classes to the Democratic candidates' speech writers. Well, except for Kucinich. He's creative enough.

CAUGHT!

The Philadelphia Police, aided by the Miami Police and an astute man in a homeless shelter have caught and arrested John Lewis, the person responsible for Officer Charles Cassidy's cold and brutal murder.

Wyatt has the information he can give us. He also has a reminder to give what we can to Cassidy's memorial fund.

Headlines!

Ok. I kept falling asleep while I did this post. Seriously. It has taken me almost two hours to do this. I'm not promising anything. Well, except that I'm going right to bed once this is posted.

1. It Can Run For Hours; It Lives Longer; Has More Sex; Eats More Without Gaining Weight...
Huh? Oh, excuse me, I was just daydreaming.

2. 'Unwelcoming' USA sees sharp fall in visitors...
Good. I'm tired of people coming here to enjoy the U.S. and then having them go home just to trash-talk us.

3. Al-Jazeera: US Air Force struck Syrian nuclear site...
If it was true my response would be, "YAY!!!!"

4. 2 AM campaign call irks 3,000 NY voters
I guess they are trying to take advantage of drunks. It is just like any other long night of drinking--big talk, promises, promises, promises..no follow-through.

5. Mondale Endorses Clinton for President...
Well, there you have it. Hillary can just stop while she's ahead, now. One of the biggest political losers in the world just endorsed her. Heh. She should see if Dukakis wants to go for a tank ride with her.

6. Breasts: New weapons in terror war
Finally, I have a purpose in life!

7. Love hotels woo investors
Is that what they are calling them now?

8. Woman Says Pet-Sitter Made Pig Fat
Ummmm. . .

9. Mich. woman fined for stabbing husband with fork during restaurant argument
Next time, she gets to choose the restaurant.

10. Mythical, bloodsucking beast just a coyote
Oh, I thought it was Hillary.

Just some stuff

I'm extending the caption contest until Tuesday (results posted around 10:00 p.m.).

It is the end of the marking period and I'm kind of swamped, so...I could use some jokes.

Thanks. :-)

Are you a drunkard?

I'm in one of "those" moods today. I've been having some crazy dreams, witnessing the antics of crazy relatives, and feeling just plain bleh.

Feeling this way makes me want to just sit and drink. I used to drink a lot...a lot. Now? Not so much. I think I had a beer last week or maybe the week before; I can't remember. I was going to have one last night, but I was just too grrrr to even get my arse up and go to the refrigerator to get one. (Don't worry folks, I'm not despondent...just a little frustrated.)

So, today, during my aimless wanderings on the internet, to snap myself out of my general state of grrrr, I happened upon a humorous site devoted to the art of drunkenness: Modern Drunkard Magazine. I haven't finished looking through the site, but there are articles, cartoons, drinks, poems, and other stuff. You can go look at it for yourself. I think some of you might find the humor in it. I found a list that gave me a chuckle. Here are a few of the entries. You can add to the list HERE.

You know you are a drunkard when. . .

• You feel incredibly sexy despite the vomit stain down the front of your shirt.
• After eight drinks your “hugs” bear an uncanny resemblance to UFC take-downs.
• You failed CPR class because your breath set the dummy on fire.
• You called the cops on yourself but refused to testify because you “didn’t want to get involved."
  
• You use spearmint schnapps for mouthwash because it eliminates that whole spitting hassle.
• You’re seriously considering learning how to play the bagpipes because, hey—nobody gets more free drinks than bagpipers.
• You’ve worn a kilt to ladies night in hopes of beating the system on a technicality.
• When the guy at the door yelled, “Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms,” you assumed it was someone bringing more supplies.
• You inform the arresting officer that gravity is the only law you feel compelled to obey.
• Crying in your beer increases its alcohol content.

Which one was mom advised to abort?

Really. Can you tell?

One of these cute little boys was the victim of an attempted abortion. I don't blame the mother. Her doctors had her convinced that one of her twins was much smaller than his twin. They also told her that the reason he was so small was because he had an enlarged heart. So, considering what the doctors had said and considering the possiblity that both babies could die if the weaker one had a stroke or heart attack in the womb, she consented to abort the weaker baby.

She wanted both babies.

The doctors tried to sever the umbilical cord. They couldn't do it--too thick.

The doctors tried to divide the placenta. The baby continued to survive. Turns out, messing with the placenta redistributed the nutrients the babies were receiving. The failed abortion saved the baby's life.

The enlarged heart returned to normal size.

Eventually, these two handsome, little boys were born. They are always reaching out to each other, comforting each other, and holding hands.

Amazing! That was one baby with arms bigger than this world wrapping around him, protecting him.

(H/T: Daily Mail)

On your birthday. . .

Here's a voluntary meme I found at DBA Dude's site.

Meme instructions:

1) Go to Wikipedia
2) In the search box, type your birth month and day but not the year.
3) List three events that happened on your birthday
4) List two important birthdays and one death
5) One holiday or observance (if any)

My birthday: December 1

Events:
I chose things associated with the U.S.

• 1913 - Ford Motor Company introduces the first moving assembly line.
• 1955 - American Civil Rights Movement: In Montgomery, Alabama, seamstress Rosa Parks refuses to give her bus seat to a white man and is arrested for violating the city's racial segregation laws, an incident which leads to the Montgomery Bus Boycott.
• 1998 - Exxon announces a US$73.7 billion deal to buy Mobil, thus creating Exxon-Mobil, the largest company on the planet.
  

Birthdays:
This about explains my sense of humor, eh?

• 1940 - Richard Pryor, American actor, comedian
• 1945 - Bette Midler, American actress

Death:
I picked someone who died the exact day I was born.

• 1968 - Dario Moreno, Turkish-Jewish singer (b. 1921)
• Reminds me of this song for some reason.

Observance:

• World AIDS Day

Saturday Cartoon :)

Caption Contest

After a week of much seriousness ( and rightly so), let's all try to exercise that funny bone. Here's this week's caption contest. I hope you all have a very nice weekend. You earned it. I'll post winners Monday evening by 10:00 p.m. (Btw., please consider making a contribution to the Officer Cassidy Memorial Fund--see the information at the top of the blog. Thanks.)

THE WINNERS!!!

5. Rodney Dill:
Barack Magic Woman

4. Mrs Grim:
Obama, thinking: All I have to do to get the nomination is just stand here quietly.

3. Wyatt Earp:
Hillary: "Quick! Take a picture of me standing next to a black man!"

2. Vincent Antonelli:
Obama, to himself: I better pretend I'm interested in what she's saying before I get "Vince Foster-ed."

And the winner of this week's contest is. . .
1. Chip:
Out of the side of his mouth: "It's 'RAISE the roof', not 'lower the roof'--who invited you to this NAACP fundraiser?!?"

OTHER CONTESTS (linked):

• Bullwinkle Blog
• Gone Rick Motel (I got third place last week!)
• Right Pundits
• Rodney Dill
• Wizbang

Just for Vinnie--heh!

I saw this and immediately thought of Vinnie's love for Wonder Woman: