Some "feel good" stuff

Once in a while I mention that I haven't had the best of health the past three years. For those that don't know, I lost the use of my legs and every now and then I give a progress report of what I am able to do now that I wouldn't have been able to do a year or even months ago. Last week, for example, I was able to tie my sneakers for the first time in three years. It wasn't for a lack of trying. It just hurt too much. Now, I'm starting to regain my flexibility and I'm able to do more. Most people don't notice I have a problem unless they see me get out of my car or if I tell them I'm in pain (which I try not to do). Last week, I even managed about six hours of walking around and keeping on the go over a two day span. I couldn't have done that a year ago, for sure.

I'm rehashing all of this because I was reading a story tonight that kind of reminded me of me. Because of the two issues I have that pretty much killed my metabolism for a good while, I gained A LOT of weight over those three years. Not for a lack of trying, I couldn't even lose a pound and keep it off until this past winter. I've now gone down (depending on the store) 3-4 sizes. Because of my job, though, I'm constantly seen and looked up and down by many people (I hear what's muttered under people's breath). Because of how much weight I gained, clothes were hard to find (read: didn't feel girly or even close to cute), I felt gross, and I really hated myself. However, there was and is only one place where that all doesn't matter: the blog.

I've made friends with some twisted, but very, very genuinely awesome people. I'm very grateful for it. Sometimes, I think it saved my life. There are a lot of times that I'm just glued to my computer rather than something to eat. That's helped, for certain. But, I've found a place where people aren't looking me up and down and judging me on my appearance. It has allowed me to be me. You've accepted me for my tolerable level of twistedness, and hopefully, because I have something to say (funny or serious).

Again, I'm grateful.

I still have a long way to go, and I still really hate meeting new people (It's not the people, it is about what's going on inside of me). I know I'll be judged (sometimes rejected). I have to force myself to be out in public. However, I'm beginning to feel better about myself and that's why I jumped at the chance to hang out with Wyatt, Deathlok, and Bill a couple of weeks ago. It is also why I've decided to do things like take guitar lessons. I was scared to death to go to that music store and felt like a royal idiot when I walked in--that's how deep this all goes. However, I seem to be finding my spunk again and I have all of you to thank for it.

So, that brings me to the article I linked. Hopefully, if any of you are in my boat, it will bring some inspiration to you, too.