It is good to be Scottish!

In honor of my grandmom...

Auld Lang Syne
by Robert Burns
(1759-1796)
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne?

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

And surely ye'll be your pint-stowp,
And surely I'll be mine!
And we'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

We twa hae run about the braes,
And pu'd the gowans fine;
But we've wandered mony a weary fit
Sin' auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

We twa hae paidled i' the burn,
Frae morning sun till dine;
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin' auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

And there's a hand, my trusty fiere,
And gie's a hand o' thine!
And we'll tak a right guid-willie waught

For auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

Breathe.....

I saw this picture and thought....everything I'm experiencing right now will be taken care of one day at a time, no matter how heart-wrenching or headache-inducing. It is usually the time of year I beat myself up for not doing what I'd set out to do. It is the time of year I sink as low as I can get and just feel sorry for myself. I've decided not to do that this year. I'm going to challenge myself and you all...we should believe in ourselves and our potential. We should see things that need changing and have the mental fortitude to change them. We should love those we love and those who would mean us harm...God will take care of; afterall, He doesn't like ugly. So if you're feeling a little down and stressed, take a nap, and then take a good long look at what you need to do to love yourself and those around you more...or at least show it. Don't end up like the little kittie in the picture. I need my friends and I need you all to be healthy in every way possible. :)

Update: That bottle of wine I've had unopened for about a month...it is now open. I did a good job...it is yummy. I should've bought beer. Whatever. I'm drinking it out of an oversized coffee mug. Don't laugh, it was that or oversized dixie cups. Yes, I put ice in my wine...another thing to add to the "weird" list. I'm going to watch the UFC, now.

Trying to keep from thinking too much...

Eggs. How? Why? Have at it.

Thank You!

My heart is full with all of your kind words. I appreciate them very much. If you have not read my post about my grandmom, please do. Much of her life was about everyone else and not about herself. She deserves to have so much more said about her.

Please pray for my dad. He's under a tremendous amount of stress right now.

With the funeral not taking place until Tuesday (and all the stress that comes with it), I've decided to continue posting. My grandmom had everything planned a few years ago and my dad is following through with her plans nicely. I'm moral support...I'll be taking him out to dinner tonight. So...I need to post...word warrior that I am. :)

There are a couple of sites worth our time today...they want and bring the funny. FM has a post at the Monger Horde™ that allows you to find out your aristocratic title. Mine is quite fitting. Then, when you're finished feeling all important with your aristocratic title, you can visit Wyatt's place and ask him an non-job related question. MAKE THEM FUNNY! Sorry...I feel the need to control right now. :)

Again, thank you for all of your kind words and most importantly, friendship. I feel blessed.

Helen Marjorie Cameron M...

Grandmas hold our tiny hands for just a little while.....but our hearts forever.
Author Unknown

"Surprised by Joy--Impatient as the Wind"

Surprised by joy — impatient as the Wind
I turned to share the transport--Oh! with whom
But Thee, deep buried in the silent tomb,
That spot which no vicissitude can find?
Love, faithful love, recalled thee to my mind--
But how could I forget thee? Through what power,
Even for the least division of an hour,
Have I been so beguiled as to be blind
To my most grievous loss?--That thought's return
Was the worst pang that sorrow ever bore,
Save one, one only, when I stood forlorn,
Knowing my heart's best treasure was no more;
That neither present time, nor years unborn
Could to my sight that heavenly face restore.

William Wordsworth

My grandmom passed away this evening. I'm sadder than I can really express. I want to let you all know that my grandmom was so much more than the frustration that I vented a few weeks or so ago.

She was born in Scotland 89 years ago and grew up in British Columbia, Canada.

I was blessed with a grandmother who always made sure I had new glasses and a new winter coat, because my mom couldn't afford one (this is my dad's mom, btw). She taught me how to say "momma." She taught me how to make tuna fish sandwiches. She taught me that biting my nails was a bad thing. She was always game for Go-Fish and tic-tac-toe. We used to watch Creature Double Feature and the WWF on Saturdays when my dad had visitation.

She taught me a little bit about gardening, cooking, and about all the family history and stories. Somehow, I am related Rob Roy.

I remember when my mom's dad died when I was little, I was sleeping over her house, in a cot, snuggly beside her bed. I heard the phone and I knew, just as when I held her hand on Saturday for the last time I knew.

My grandmom and I used to have lunch dates at Strawbridge's in Philadelphia. We'd dress up and go window shop. Sometimes she bought me new shoes (I was an ever-growing child). Then, we'd go to lunch. We'd have a good time.

Grandmom was generous to a fault. Always sneaking me a five dollar bill, telling me, "Don't tell anyone." I thought it was a fun game, but she was hiding it from my grandpop. So, I'll add brave to my description of her. She even gave me her coveted recipe for Scottish shortbread...which you can find down a ways on this blog.

She always forgave my immaturity and impulsiveness. She was always proud of me. She was proud when I became a paralegal, proud when I went to college and graduated with lots of honors, and she was proud when I got my job. She only ever begged me to not be a lawyer because it would change me. We have relatives that are lawyers...I'll leave it at that...so when I had the real opportunity to pursue my legal career, that I wanted so much...I stuck with teaching, and I haven't regretted it.

I was lucky to have the grandmom I had. I could've had any grandmom. I was supposed to be put up for adoption. So, when I think of the alternatives in my life. I am very glad, crappy childhood and all, that God gave me a grandmother that taught me to love and to be generous. On top of it all....she was beautiful. The inside and the outside made her the most beautiful woman in the world to me.

The poem I've chosen is one that I read in college that brought tears to my eyes. It takes a couple of read-throughs. But I have to get used to moments of joy and not being able to share them with my grandmom. There is so much I had been hoping to share with her...adult joys.

I wish I could go on and on about my grandmom. She was my best friend. Just know she was the most awesome woman who dealt with a lot, who never let it turn her into a bitter woman. She was brave, strong, proud, and sentimental.

Hug those you love. :) I'll be back to post in a few days, but I'll be lurking. I need my friends. :)

The song, "Veronica," by Elvis Costello always reminded me of my grandmom. So I hope you see its worth.

Monger Horde: Reading material you don't want to read because you've already read it or it is useless...

Vicious Fabrications: Frankj's next book...

Apparently baconless wuss-bag, Frankj, likes to write books about stuff that people can read on his site for free. He's even created his own publishing company to promote his redundancy. Unfortunately, for us, that means he'll attempt to write, I mean re-write, stuff that was once free, but charge for it. In fact, he'll probably even rewrite things that were once in print and contain old information.

Here's a list of a few book ideas and titles that Frankj is considering for publication:

1. Primer used by the Puritans
2. The 1968 Yellow Pages
3. Buy my free thoughts....please!
4. Idiot's Guide to Pissing Off the Monger-Horde™
5. How Not to Become President: A Frankj Guide to a Defeatist's Attitude

THE BESTEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT EVER!

The Eagles beat the Cowboys!!!!! Just thought I'd share! WOOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!

Can I see another shot of Owens sitting on the sideline dismayed and nutty? Please?!?!?!?!?!

This might explain a few things...

When I was going through some Christmas stuff, I found this letter mixed in with my gift cards and new blankies. This might explain to my Southern friends why their Christmas might have been a little different than I experienced up in Yankee-land. I don't know...sounds like the South might have had more fun if this letter is true. ;)

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated, and he has issued the following statement:

I regret to inform you that, effective this year, I will no longer be able to serve the southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the Earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies.

However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, which happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us:

1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and bumper sticker that reads, "These toys insured by Smith & Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave a cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' raccoon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4. You won't hear, "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin, and Labonte, on Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty."

5. "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee-haw!" And you are also likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back off!" The last I heard it also had other decorations on the sleigh's back as well. One is a Ford or Chevy logo with lights that race through the letters and the other is a caricature of me (Santa Claus) going wee on the tooth fairy.

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as Miracle on 34th Street and It's a Wonderful Life will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see Boss Hogg Saves Christmas and Smokey and the Bandit IV, featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

9. And finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me like "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer" and Bing Crosby's "Santa Claus is Coming to Town." This year, songs about Bubba Claus will be played on all the AM radio stations in the South. Those song titles will be: Mark Chesnutt's "Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox," Cledus T. Judd's "All I Want for Christmas Is My Woman and a Six Pack," and Hank Williams Jr.'s "If You Don't Like Bubba Claus, You Can Shove It."

Sincerely yours,
Santa Claus

MERRY CHRISTMAS

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas! Relax, enjoy some good food, and enjoy your time with your families (especially your kids if you have them). Maybe sometime during the day you will have the opportunity to reflect on the importance of the event and what it will ultimately mean to us as Easter approaches.

Most respectfully and sincerely,
RT

WOW!

The only way to describe what you will see when you click on this link is WOW! Apparently skiing is not the best way to experience the Swiss Alps.

Answers to Wyatt's Christmas Questions

Apparently, Rudolph does hold quite a grudge.








So this is where NOG originates! Yum.










It looks like the Puritans didn't hang Frosty. Instead, they burned him at the stake. See what happens when people believe lies started by those with agendas!!!!

A little levity while you wrap your presents!

While I was hunting and hunting for Christmas songs not sung by Tony Bennett and Johnny Mathis, I happened across one of my favorite "secular" Christmas songs, "Jingle Bell Rock." It isn't just any version, though. It is sung by a man whose voice curls my toes. :) ENJOY!

A little Friday fun!

Wyatt has an IQ test at his site. I did ok...apparently I am...

Your IQ score is 124

Your Intellectual Type is Word Warrior. This means you have exceptional verbal skills. You can easily make sense of complex issues and take an unusually creative approach to solving problems. Your strengths also make you a visionary. Even without trying you're able to come up with lots of new and creative ideas.

Well....was there any doubt? And yes, the Shakespeare picture was included with the score. Now...if I could be a word warrior that writes things for which people pay money....then I'd be happy. :)

Personal Christmas Message:

Ok...this is a rare serious side. You've been warned!

Dreams. We all have them and sadly, as we get older, we begin to believe that they will never come true. I was reminded of this when I was at Uber's site Tuesday. She has a wonderful graphic of a child staring out of a window at Santa on his sleigh.

When I was little and on up into my late teens, I would always sit at my bedroom window and look at the night sky and the stars. No matter the state of my walk with God (or major lack thereof), I always found myself giving Him my dreams. They were always the same...all those years. Oddly enough, even now, I find that my bed is right next to a window. Every now and then I catch myself looking out of the window, looking at the various stages of moon's cycle, and staring at the stars. My dreams are the same. God hasn't seen fit to grant me what I hold most dear, but as I get older I see that my dreams are there waiting for me...to mature, to learn lessons, and to be still. They'll be there waiting for me until God says it is time. I'm hyper, impulsive, and lack patience. I am the perpetual, "Are we there yet," child.

So, I just want to encourage any of you that have dreams, have had dreams seem to fade, or think that there is no hope to know that there is hope. As long as you can dream...there is hope.

The week that ends the year, Christmas through New Year's, always brings a weird kind of hope and pain. We hurt over the things and people lost in the past year. However, we anticipate blessings for the following year.

I hope all of you find your dreams if you've lost them, wait patiently if that's what's been asked of you, or revel in the fruition of what you have long hoped for. You don't have to believe what I believe. You have that choice. I just want to be an encouragement.

You all have been a blessing to me and I thank you. Thank you for your kind words, your jokes, and the many times you all tried to assuage my hurts.

I look forward to telling you about some dreams coming true...when God feels it is time.

Merry Christmas!
Psalm 37
Mark 10:27

To the rest of my blog buddies...

Today is a cumulative gift-giving day! There are a handful of bloggy friends that I either visit, who don't visit me, or that visit when they have a chance. To them I offer the following gifts:

• GOP & City/ "The Man": Tons of ideas for caption contests.
• GrimJack: Ideas for posts and a happy and prosperous new year!
• Middle of No Man's Land: A better newsboy, lots of time for her family, and plenty of trips to any nearby city...for some good shopping!
• Temerrity of High maintenace: To Deathlok I give time to plan the next MWE, no leaking pools or any other household repairs, a new computer, and most importantly, all the action dolls...I mean figures he can handle.
• The MoxArgon Group: A tracking device to implant in Remulak in case he/it ever gets lost again. I don't want to have to take him/it to anymore f****n airtports in f*****n Newark!
• Uber: To Uber I give my great-grandmother's Scottish shortbread recipe. I also give her more time for herself and an awesome year to come, filled with unexpected blessings.

REAL Scottish Shortbread:
2 cups UNBLEACHED, ALL-PURPOSE flour (sifting optional)
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup unsalted butter, softened
1/2 cup confectioner's sugar (do not use granulated sugar...this is the difference!)
Directions:
In a small bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, and salt.

In a large bowl, with electric mixer at medium speed, beat butter and sugar until fluffy. At low speed, gradually stir in the flour mixture until it is well blended. I can't emphasize "well-blended" enough. Chill the dough for two hours. (I usually make a disk and wrap it in plastic wrap.)

After two hours of chilling, roll out the dough to about 1/8" thick. I use a pizza cutter to make squares, but you can use whatever you want. Just make sure you put 4-6 salad fork pricks into each piece of shortbread (cookie).

Place on a non-stick cookie sheet at 350 degrees until golden brown (not dark brown, as that means the butter is burning). It will take 15-20 minutes, but all ovens vary..

Enjoy!!!! They really do melt in your mouth!

It' all about MEME!!! My pain is your entertainment.

Ok. I guess Wyatt sent me a meme so that I wouldn't post another "Christmas present" post. Too bad! I'm still doing them...the posts, not the blog buddies. :)

The rules sent down via Moses...I mean Wyatt:
Each player of this game starts with the "6 Weird Things About You."
People who get tagged need to write a blog entry of their own 6 weird things as well as
state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says 'you are tagged' in their comments and tell them to read your blog!

So here goes it. I have to admit my weirdness. I was not aware that the Chief Mongress should ever mention such weaknesses, but I will play along.

1. I can't bare my arms.
I have always worn long sleeves or sleeves longer than halfway down the top part of my arm. Skinny or fat...I just hate showing my arms (in public). I can remember wearing a flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up to my elbows and a tank top in 90 degree weather in the summer as a teenager. Crazy.

2. Checking to see if I've done things:
I have had post-concussion idiocy since a really bad car accident 12 years ago. I used to have really severe memory problems, so I'd have to check to make sure I locked a door within seconds of turning my back to it...you get the point. I still do stuff like that and it makes me crazy.

3. Covering my ass:
I have to wear shirts that come down past my ass. I cannot walk out of the house without my ass covered. If a shirt doesn't cover my ass, I have sweaters or jackets that do. Yep...another weirdness developed as a teenager that has not left me.

4. I have a guilt complex.
Even if I did absolutely nothing wrong, I feel like everything is my fault. A person could lose something and I end up feeling like I took it and that I must replace it. Not that I do replace things, but I feel like I should. If something goes wrong...I feel guilty. (Could it be from being an only child?)

5. I hate prints:
Rarely, will you see me dressed in anything with a print other than stripes on it. If it has flowers or any other type of design, I probably won't wear it. There are few exceptions. I like to keep things plain and simple. I also refuse to wear white...well, except for socks.

6. I am an optimistic pessimist.
While I think and believe that I have absolutely no luck, that all the outside forces of the world are against me, and that nothing insanely good will ever happen in my life...I believe that in an instant, things could change and I could be the luckiest person in the world and all the good that has passed me by will come back my way. Well, that and that whole love at first sight thing has me in its grips...well...in the past...haven't met anyone lately.

Now...the people I will most certainly piss off with this: I tag Wreckse, John D, Peakah, GrimJack [he needs something to do], Little Miss Chatterbox, and FIAR...sorry...blame Wyatt!

Time for some headlines....

**There is a Zucker short at the end of this if you get too bored. It is about the Iraq study group.

Reality check: 95 percent of Americans had premarital sex
And their point? You all might have to write this one...I chickened out.

Blow-up: Frosty slashed by thugs
Snowman found in a puddle of, well, water.

Cheney to be defense witness in CIA case:
"I elect to invoke my 5th amendment rights on the grounds that if I talk, I'll get really pissed and kick your asses."

Visitors kept away from Hawaii volcano
Sacrifices will resume in the near future.

Researchers optimistic on valley fever
"Like, dude! Like, gag me with a spoon! Like I have this hot feeling on my brain and like I feel all icky in my tummy. Like, please get some of those chewable asprin thingies so I can like not have this pain."

A glow in the darkness is the best gift of all
Vladimir Putin was only trying to give a Christmas gift to a former comrade...not kill him. Think of it as a special type of Christmas light display.

Thieves break into police station
'Tis the season. They're just trying to give back to the community.

Bill seeks to ban trans fats from Massachusetts
Kennedy must seek a new home state.

Investigators probe sewage plant plane crash carrying Japanese tourists
That's a sh*tty way to die.

Recipe for Genius Revealed
Dial 1-800-RT-Rules!!!!

Why Do Men Have Deeper Voices than Women?
Because they are men. Well, and because they like to grunt and stuff and if a guy had a Clay Aiken-girl voice...well...it just wouldn't be the same...or sexy.

AND THIS IS THE BEST HEADLINE OF ALL....BECAUSE I DIDN'T WRITE IT!!!

ZUCKER TAKES ON THE IRAQ STUDY GROUP AND JAMES BAKER

It's Wrecksmastime!!!!

Wreckse seems like a simple guy, so I'm gonna give something to him that will mean more than material items ever will.

To Wreckse I give a "forever" pass on any airline at any time to visit with his family. It appears they all live a bit of ways from each other. Sometimes you just need to be near family.

The second gift I am giving Wreckse is a special guitar! (Fender® Merle Haggard Tribute Series Tele® Electric Guitar) Of course I've made sure it only produces hit songs.

That leaves me with my song choice for the evening. I've decided (and I hope Wreckse doesn't mind) that I'd provide a choice. You can listen to Waylon Jennings, Merle Haggard & Johnny Cash, or you can listen to Wreckse! Free publicity is a good present, right?

unSecretary General wants Santa's job!!!

Marauding Monger Mission: The New un Secretary General


Changes unSecretary General, Ban Ki-moon will make in accordance to his "naughty & nice" list:

1. The only members of the unSecurity Council will be the Monger Horde™, the United States, and Great Britain.

2. The unSecretary General will charge the Security Council with the task of ridding the world of the extremism and strife caused by nut-jobs. At the top of the list is Frank J, followed by nations that are ruled by dictators (either dressed in faux military garb or dressed in sweaters).

3. Changes will be made at the unSecretary General's place of business:

• Screwball leaders will be allowed to make inane speeches, but only to lure them in for capture.
• The menu will include a plethora of bacon® products!
• All of the flags flown will be American.

4. Other changes being considered:

• Removal of UNforceful troops from where they are stationed, as they are doing absolutely nothing...well unless you count serving as unarmed targets
• The extortion of money from the United States will stop.
• Food and money donated to unfortunate areas of the globe will actually find its way to those that need the relief.
• The unSecretary General has decided that none of his children will be caught in a money making scandal.

5. Any countries or leaders caught buying, selling, or mediating any trade for arms with Iran or Russia will be kicked out and lose any and all funding.

Oh, and ice hockey will be the official sport of the world!

A Wyatt Christmas for my pimp!

Wyatt, being my pimp, requires extra work in the presents department. Afterall, I better not disappoint. He might put me in cuffs or something.

So....I guess I'll give Wyatt the body he wishes he could have...I mean his wife wishes he could have. Also, of course, all the good health that should go with the body.

I also want to give Wyatt the hockey skills of one of his favorite players, Jaromir Jagr. Without these skills, Mr. Antonelli will have to continue pounding their opponents. If you can't get around them or defend against them...pummel 'em.

Now for something fun! Wyatt is always going on about his drinking habits and his desire to write. I've figured something out for him: A pub, with an upstairs where he can write. I'm sure Rachel won't might running the bar for him.

Lastly, I'd like to leave Wyatt with a little ditty I didn't write, but says it all!